A long time ago, I posted on the Polari Bible translation. So, for the sake of consistency, I felt the need to share with you the literary masterpiece that is not the LOLCat Bible. It’s… well, it’s pretty annoying, actually. But we here at Jewschool are dedicated to bringing you the full spectrum of Jewish and/or religious experiences, so here you go (Exodus 20, natch):
1. Then Ceiling Cat spoked all them werds:
2. I iz suprior man, and I broughted u out of hawt lend wit no cheezbrgrs for hard werk at all
3. U gotz other Ceiling Cat, I mek u ded.
4. If u try be Ceiling Cat of any of mai creayshunz up in floaty skai, down in erth or in watr or I mek u ded.
5. If u think faek Ceiling Cat iz Ceiling Cat, I mek u ded and ur children ded and ur children-children ded, for being stupid.
6. If not I wuv u and all ur childrenz-childrenz-childrenz!
7. U sez Inivsible Man bad, I mek u ded, for I dun liek it. Srsly.
8. Remembur caturday and keep holy.
9. U werk sicks dais and finish werk, kapish?
10. Dai sevn, u no werk. U and all ur peepz go wrship me.
11. I maded heavenz and erth and see and the stuff that does teh funney hoppey stuffz in and on it – so I make it holy cuz I no werk.
12. Bez u good to papa and mama so u has long lief.
13. U no mek peepz ded!
14. U no mek sexxes wit other gurlz or menz than ur wief (so no awsum treesum alowed!).
15. U no tek stuffs for free if not getz for free.
16. U no tell bad stuff about ur neibor.
17. U no wantz neibor stuff! No wief, no gurlz, no menz, no animulz! NOT YOURS.
More where that came from here. It’s actually an incomplete wiki, so if you fancy yourself a LOL-P, a LOL-E, a LOL-J or an LOL-redactor–here’s your big chance.