Teh Jewschool Progressive 36ez

I don’t begrudge all the earnest folks who do good work for the jooz. I even like when they are all named to important lists. Like Slingshootz. And the Forvertz 50. And the Joozish Week 36-24-36. Etc. Etc. Etc.
But I begz your pardon, what’s with this Jewish Community Zeroes thingy? All the issues of teh femalez aside teh questionz iz, ‘Wasnt this whole thing just a clever tactic for JFNA* to collect several hundred thousand emailz of teh young Jooz? *(not their real name, which is much longer and is never to be abbreviated even to save space)

We at Jewschool felt we ought to do the same… Since we’re all about the Joozploitation, we are very proud to announce…

**Teh Jewschool Progressive 36 Lamed Vavnik Double Chai Latte Hero Sandwichez… Bitchez.**

Zero Calories

Zero Calories


Honoring movers and shakers doing good work on behalf of (or for) the Jooz in the areas of:
Social and economic justice and do-gooding
Peace (in Israel and elsewhere, except Iceland)
Jewish culture (whatever that is)
Spirituality (‘specially the touchy feel-y sort)
Inclusivity (Pluralist, Racial, Gender and all that ‘faggy’ stuff)
Media (it is the message after all, liek this blog)
Other things we hate but have to include.

Step one:
We announce the contest and make it sticky on the site. (check)
Circulate it via email, blogosphere and intertubes. (need your help here)
Develop snarky but slick logo that looks Obama-esque (uh, check?)

Step two:
Nominations accepted via form submission on the website
Post facebook event/app/group/widget to redirect voters to jewschool.com
Be sure that heads of major Joowish organizations and entities iz nominated.
Also, anyone with a huge email/twitter/facebook following…
Note that femalez iz welcome to apply but will not be winnerz
(cuz they iz too stoopid… naw, cuz they all already iz heroz- hi mom!)

Step three:
Inform all nominees they are finalists. Because they are all special.
To be named a 36, they must encourage their supporters to vote for them
(and be popular).
Votes are accepted via hosted form, which collects their name, locale,
email, etc.

Step four:

Announce winners of the cheerleading squad via press release, youtubz
and facespaces.
Compile voter list into email database and announce winners via email list
Solicit their financial support, just for shirtz and gigglz

step five:

Use the email list for our own purposez: to give all teh kittehz cheezburgerz er- Kosher tofu-parve cheezburgers..!

Muuuuhahahahahaha!!!! I eatz it up. I laffs at u.

7 Responses to “Teh Jewschool Progressive 36ez”

  1. In order to prove how hip and worthy our own contributors are, Jewschool writers are not prohibited from entering the contest!


    Kung Fu Jew 18 · November 2nd, 2010 at 3:10 pm
  2. Now that comments are enabled…

    Re the call for entries, here’s an idea, instead of wasting time generating a self-congratulatory award list — similar to the lists generated by the Jewish establishment organizations that Jew School contributors/commenters relish bashing (justifiably or not) — all of you progressive Jewish types could maybe spend your time actually working for the social change you claim to be striving form instead of nominating yourselves for awards for your work?

    The call for entries is of course done in a faux ironic jesting way, lest we think that people *actually* desire recognition from lists such as this (which they clearly do – this will be borne out by the people who bother to nominate THEMSELVES).
    This strikes me as more of the hyper-self-conscious navel-gazing material that passes for content on what used to be a pretty dynamic little website.

    Re the site, step your content game up.

    Re the list, really? This is necessary?


    curious · November 2nd, 2010 at 3:13 pm
  3. Will the list be retroactively announced in 2006 in order to keep in line with the jokes?


    Balaam's Donkey · November 2nd, 2010 at 3:19 pm
  4. I nominate curious’s comment in the category of histrionics.


    dlevy · November 2nd, 2010 at 4:17 pm
  5. dlevy — Yes! Finally something that’s *actually* funny on Jew School…


    curious · November 2nd, 2010 at 4:53 pm
  6. @curious You made my point. Most of us are already doing just that- working in the trenches. We dont need to make an awards list for ourselves and as for those who do… whoop-de-do. Its satire point at those lists and yes, a bit at ourselves.

    Regarding stepping up the content, we welcome your input.


    Adam · November 2nd, 2010 at 5:12 pm
  7. Curious, send guest posts to editor@jewschool.com.


    Kung Fu Jew 18 · November 3rd, 2010 at 12:44 am

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"I may attack a certain point of view which I consider false, but I will never attack a person who preaches it. I have always a high regard for the individual who is honest and moral, even when I am not in agreement with him. Such a relation is in accord with the concept of kavod habriyot, for beloved is man for he is created in the image of God." —Rav Joseph Soloveitchik