Are you going to eat that? (No, seriously, are you?)

If you work for a Jewish organization, you’ve probably experienced the phenomenon of food being everywhere.  Sometimes it’s gross, sometimes it doesn’t belong to you, but it’s pretty ubiquitous. With this infusion of nutrients come statements such as the following (overheard), in reaction to delicious baked goods:

“Oh, no, that’s so bad. I can’t eat that.”
“I’d have to do to the gym if I ate that.”
“I can’t believe you walked past it! You have so much willpower!”

It saddens, but doesn’t surprise me, that it was all women making these comments. It also doesn’t surprise me that people think of food as having moral value-it’s good or it’s bad, it’s not something that nourishes you or that you should enjoy, that you give to others so they can enjoy it too.What we really mean when we say, “That food is bad,” is “I am a bad person for eating it.” If we eat food that we enjoy (or if we eat, period), we should immediately torture ourselves emotionally and/or physically, and make sure everyone around us  knows that we’re doing so, and in turn, make sure that those people feel a certain way about their own eating and exercise habits.

Diet culture is relentless and misogynist, and it affects us in ways we aren’t even aware of. (I’m holding back here, folks. I’m not getting into the crazy, exploitative, capitalist that is the diet industry. See how I did that?) Maybe you’re not trying to trigger people when talking about the 5 pounds you’d like to lose, but people hear that shit. It creates body hatred and it erodes relationships between women (who, let’s face it, are a lot of the population working in Jewish organizations in a certain capacity).

There’s a certain tension between culture, Jewish and American, and food. In spite of our bodies being real bodies, we’re bombarded with the ideal that is impossible to achieve. We know that Jewish women are  living with eating disorders, that the statistics are on the rise, and that many cases are unreported. Part of Jewish (or any other ethnic group’s) assimilation into American culture means adopting the ideals of the physical body. I often think of dieting and diet culture as a shiny red ball thrown at women as if to say, “Look over there!” As in, think about how to be this specific, empty  version of perfect, put your energy into getting skinny at all costs, instead of channeling it into redistributing power. (And by the way, diet talk doesn’t only affect women, it affects everyone.)

I’m proposing that Jewish organizations adopt a “No Diet Talk” policy, with the aim of moving towards a different culture around food and bodies in our organizational spaces. This doesn’t mean you can’t commiserate about your diet behind closed doors with a trusted colleague. It doesn’t mean that you can’t be on a diet. It does mean that when there’s food to be enjoyed, you let people enjoy it without talking about how you are on the quest to lose weight. You don’t comment on other people’s food choices, (“Are you really going to eat that?”) or  talk about how much you go to the gym, or how much you need to.

This does mean that policing ourselves. It’s likely that we don’t even realize how much we talk about diet and weight until we don’t do it anymore. Saying,“You look great! Did you lose weight?” is so common, it’s practically small talk. We can do better.

6 Responses to “Are you going to eat that? (No, seriously, are you?)”

  1. Also, can we eradicate the use of words like “sinful” in regard to food (unless we’re talking about food that we stole at gunpoint)?


    BZ · April 20th, 2012 at 10:31 am
  2. It’s true, overweight people don’t need to be told that they’re overweight, just as it’s redundant to remind smokers that smoking increases various health risks.


    Fred · April 20th, 2012 at 12:52 pm
  3. As an overweight and easily tempted person, I can tell you that there is also too much food sitting around. There does not need to be a midmorning spread at a meeting fit for a King Fat. If it is there, I will eat it. If it isn’t, I will remain on a healthier path. I am not part of diet culture and I do not hate my self fat or skinny. I do not think I am sinful if I overeat. I DO think that I am more likely to suffer from heart disease if I do not continue on the healthier path I am struggling to stay on. My conversations about diet are generally with my doctor.


    Rose · April 20th, 2012 at 1:17 pm
  4. “If you work for a Jewish organization, you’ve probably experienced the phenomenon of food being everywhere. ”

    Chanel, if you work in almost ANY office environment, you will notice that food is everywhere. Yes, this may be particularly true for a professional setting that nurtures a maternal vibe like that which you mention. But I work with plenty of men whom also love to pass by the doughnut box patting their bellies and making self-deprecating remarks about their size.


    Mel · April 20th, 2012 at 5:46 pm
  5. Not just organizations, but also families. I hate sitting at a meal trying to eat listening to people talk about how many calories are in what they’re eating, or grams of fat, or points, or whatever. It takes all the joy and life out of eating. I was at a meal recently where they six year old boy asked how many calories were in the ice cream. People should not be allowed to talk about diets or calories around children, and really should not talk about diets when at the table and just let other people enjoy their food.

    great article


    Elana · April 27th, 2012 at 12:20 pm
  6. [...] but this is very useful for supporting someone). This might also mean thinking about how you discuss food in a Jewish communal workplace or more practically, how you can support an employee. For areas of ritual life that present [...]


    Everybody knows Somebody « DebzyBee's Hive · February 7th, 2013 at 5:47 pm

Leave a Reply

If your comment does not immediately appear, do not freak out and repost your message a dozen times. Please note that all new visitors must have their first comment approved by the editor, and you must provide a legitimate e-mail address and use the same username for the system to "remember" you. The editor maintains the right to refuse comments deemed inappropriate or unhelpful. Users who repeatedly delve into ad hominem attacks or other troll-like behavior will be banned.

Trackback (Right-click & 'Copy Link...') | Comments RSS

"I may attack a certain point of view which I consider false, but I will never attack a person who preaches it. I have always a high regard for the individual who is honest and moral, even when I am not in agreement with him. Such a relation is in accord with the concept of kavod habriyot, for beloved is man for he is created in the image of God." —Rav Joseph Soloveitchik