My name is Rob Kutner. I’m a writer for “The Daily Show,” as well as the creator of annual NYC Purim spiel “The Shushan Channel,” and the co-writer of a little piece of fun-with-stereotypes you may or may not have seen called “Jewno.”
But most recently, I’ve authored a book entitled APOCALYPSE HOW, a tongue-in-cheek “survival” guide that goes through topical chapters n Food, Clothing, Shelter, Social Life, Dating, Politics, Career, Recreation, and Finance — to show you how the world to come will be much better than the current one.
However, since the book’s publication, I’ve received numerous complaints from Jews (I know, can you believe it???) that the book does not sufficiently address specifically Jewish end-time issues.
So, I want to assure you that the next edition will contain an entire “Olam ha-Bagraphy,” including such critical tachliss as:
-Food — Ten low-fat, delicious, and totally blecch-friendly recipes for Levyatan (ever tried it smoked with a nice shmear?)
-Relocation — Finding a comfortable place to stay in Israel when all the world’s Jews have returned there (Hint: How do you feel about the Negev?)
-Home Makeover — Design advice for Beit HaMikdash 3 (Ex: Who makes the best dolphin skin, and where you can buy it wholesale)
-Personnel — Telling the real Mashiach from impostors (Spoiler alert: It is Schneerson after all - should have donated to the telethon!)
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BUT, I cannot release this updated version until ALL COPIES of the current run are sold out. So it’s up to you guys. Â Go towww.apocalypsehowthebook.com
and buy one now! Hint: Makes a great Bar/Bat Mitzvah gift — and much funnier than a savings bond.
Today is, for the next couple hours, day 44 of the Omer — that’s six weeks and two days, tifereth of yesod. That’s balance and beauty within foundation and generation.
The story tells of a slightly different world, where Rosenbaum is a writer of “Plausible Fables,” where zeppelins rule the skies, technology is magical and the Jews — well, the Jews and their history are also slightly different:
The Raja was shuffling through a Wisdom Deck, pausing to look at the incandescent faces of the cards, then up at me. “You are the plausible-fabulist, Benjamin Rosenbaum,†he said at length.
I bowed stiffly. “A pen name, of course,†I said.
“Taken from The Scarlet Pimpernel?†he asked, cocking one eyebrow curiously.
“My lord is very quick,†I said mildly.
The Raja laughed, indicating the Wisdom Deck with a wave. “He isn’t the most heroic or sympathetic character in that book, however.â€
“Indeed not, my lord,†I said with polite restraint. “The name is chosen ironically. As a sort of challenge to myself, if you will. Bearing the name of a notorious anti-Hebraic caricature, I must needs be all the prouder and more subtle in my own literary endeavors.â€
“You are a Karaite, then?†he asked.
“I am an Israelite, at any rate,†I said. “If not an orthodox follower of my people’s traditional religion of despair.â€
The prince’s eyes glittered with interest, so — despite my reservations — I explained my researches into the Rabbinical Heresy which had briefly flourished in Palestine and Babylon at the time of Ashoka, and its lost Talmud.
