Israel’s Saturday Night Live lampoons Taglit-Birthright Israel
It’s about time…
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Mediocre Musician Rids Self of Success Promoting Shtick with Schick
New York — Matisyahu, a Jewish kid who “found” Torah Judaism through reggae and lost his ability to trim his facial hair, reported today via Twitter that he shaved.
Jewish News services the world over sent news alerts, alerting their followers that the “musician” who has made a fortune “utilizing” another culture’s music for the “benefit” of the Jewish people shaved.
It would appear that by cleaning himself of his facial hair he has lost his magical powers to assume the musical styling of the Islands as well as his ability to be a role model for other lost Jews.
This modern day Samson story doesn’t end well for this mediocre musician. While reaction is mixed, his blatant abuse of his religion and the plagiarizing of another for his career is most likely over. Few are upset about this, yet there will be many who use this as further proof that young American Jews do not have the same connection to their traditions as previous generations.
[Editor's Note: We cut the rest of this article because it isn't news. For the sake of the holiness code move on. This guy made bad music with lame ass messaging based in a lack-luster Jewish indoctrination education.]
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A Storahtelling B Mitzvah
Cross-posted form the InterfaithFamily.com Blog.
Last night, I attended a gala celebrating Storahtelling. And it was great*.
If you’re not familiar with Storahtelling, they’re a ritual theatre company, focusing on bringing the Torah, and Judaism, to wider audiences, making it more accessible and relevant today. I didn’t crib that from their mission statement, so allow me to 
excerpt it here:
Storahtelling restores the Torah Service to its original stature through a revival of the lost craft of the Maven, the traditional storyteller who translated the Hebrew Torah into local language. Rooted in biblical text and ritual practice, Storahtelling uses dramatized interpretations, traditional chanting, orginal music and live interaction to bring Bible off the page and onto the global stage.
The event was great, celebrating Storahtelling’s “b mitzvah,” which, as founding director Amichai Lau-Levie explained, is a “bar mitzvah, a bat mitzvah, a b mitzvah inclusive celebration for all genders.” And what a b mitzvah it was! Storahtelling turned 13, honoring their founding director, their incoming executive director and members of the board.
But what’s a b mitzvah without a little Torah? Jackie Hoffman, Jewish actress and comedian extraordinaire, studied with the Storahtelling staff, learning the Torah parsha that would have been her bat mitzvah parsha when she was a girl (raised Orthodox, Jackie didn’t have the option). She tackled a topic that many shy from: the rape of Dinah.
She broke the story up, making it more palatable, relevant and interesting. She interspersed chanting and discussion – with a healthy dose of humor, of course. (Amichai gave the English translations to Jackie’s Torah chanting on the fly.)
With more than a little (much appreciated) feminism flavoring her words, Jackie gave voice to Dinah. Dinah, the central character of this story, does not have any of her own words in the Bible. So Jackie, channeling Dinah, asked why the women of the Bible were too often chattel, to be swamped and shared amongst the men. She set the scene: Dinah had “two Jewish mothers. Think about that for a moment. And 12 stinky brothers.” She asked why Dinah’s mother was so willing to marry Dinah to the man who had raped her. (“Was she so desperate to see her daughter married, she’d ok a man who would defile her? Oh wait, that’s my mother!”) And she might have relished in her telling of the circumcisions of the men of Shechem: “They were in penis pain for three days!”
But it was an impromptu statement after she finished (and after she accepted her present from the “Sisterhood,” two gay Storahtelling staff) that summarized Storahtelling’s work so perfectly: “I’m a person who hates everything, and I dug this experience hard.”
And that’s just it. For Jackie, it was about bringing in some feminism, giving voice to the silent and suffering Dinah, and wrapping it all up in some jokes. For others, it might be highlighting gay characters or interfaith families, placing the Torah stories in contemporary settings, drawing and singing and acting the stories… bringing them to life. If you have the chance to get to a Storahtelling event], I highly recommend it.
*The only thing that would have made this night better? Had I gotten my photo taken with the hilarious Jackie Hoffman. And had she performed her Shavuot song, just for me.
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Jewish Community Members Against Jews Against Divisive Leadership calls for the end of divisiveness through a divisive public statement
Jewish, New York — In a surprise move another group of Reform Jews came out not so much in support of Rabbi Rick Jacobs, who has recently endured attacks over his approach to Zionism, but rather against Jews Against Divisive Leadership.
“All of a sudden there is this ad in the print edition of the Jewish paper and we are supposed to see that?” asks youth leader David Stern-Cohen-Burg, a member of Congregation Peace Love and Tzedek who is heading up Jewish Community Members Against Jews Against Divisive Leadership. “But when JTA published that divisive op-ed the other day and it popped up in my Twitter feed, I couldn’t get a group together fast enough through Facebook so I had to actually email a bunch of people.”
This group, mostly of younger Jews who fit into the models that have been presented after actual research (and not edict from traditional community leaders) that note young Jews have trouble associated with a more theocratic and anti-Arab Israel, have called upon the 35 member strong organization against divisiveness, to “shut up.” More »
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Birthright “the most successful project in the Jewish world…” ?
Crossposted to the New Voices Blog
That’s right, folks. You heard it here first. (Well, actually, you heard it at JTA first.)
Birthright Israel said it has received a record-breaking number of North American applicants for its free, 10-day trips to Israel.
The organization, which provides all-expense-paid trips to Israel for Diaspora Jews aged 18 to 26, received 40,108 applicants during the seven-day registration period ending Tuesday
Israel’s Minister For Public Diplomacy and Diaspora Affairs, Yuli Edelstein, called it “the most successful project in the Jewish world.”
[Emphasis mine, obviously.] JTA’s full story is here.
That’s quite a claim. I dunno how the actual founding of the state doesn’t take top honors there, but I’ll leave it to the bloviation specialists at Birthright and in the Israeli government to duke it out over that.
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Glenn Beck: Reformed Rabbis = Radical Islam because of the Nazis
First listen to this clip:
(Source: Glen Beck via Media Matters)
I will not twist Mr. Beck’s brilliance to say anything besides what he said:
“Reformed rabbis are generally political in nature. It’s almost like Islam, radicalized Islam in a way, to where it is just — radicalized Islam is less about religion than it is about politics. When you look at the reform Judaism, it is more about politics. I’m not saying that they’re the same on … and they’re going to take it at that, but — stand in line.”
I will not take it “that way”…I will take it at face value. My religious experience is all about politics. Nothing to do with God, Israel (people and land) or Torah. Nope, nothing what-so-ever. More »
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Oy, Texas
So some of us have been waiting to see our favourite recent addition to the Texas rabbi-ing scene* (yeah, such a thing exists) on the Daily Show for a week now. Seems there’s something happening in Egypt that kept bumping the segment?
John Oliver was in Texas to investigate a clash between the Christians and Jews, Republican style:
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon – Thurs 11p / 10c |
| Jewish Speaker of Texas State House | |
|
|
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Happy Yom Chechecheche folks!
*Link is an excuse for the hover text only.
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And So This is Chanukah.
Image of the day:
A Jewish shopper at Balducci’s main location in Greenwich Village noticed this most unlikely display last week (three years ago, but we’re a people of history) and lodged a complaint with the management, who quickly cast the blame on a stock clerk, according to the NY Daily News.
What’s next? A blow-out deal on Manischewitz wine and kashe varnishkes for Christmas?
Attention Balducci shoppers: clean up in aisle nine!
Chanukah ham story epilogue: if you would like this image and others like it immortalized on an apron, mug, calendar, or magnet, said Balducci’s customer Nancy Kay Shapiro wants to make your dreams a reality.
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The 8 Robots of Chanukah
Happy Chanukah from American Associates, Ben-Gurion University of the Negev! Cartoon by Jewish Robot.
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Not By Might
Music brings us all together. So after a longer than expected hiatus from posting here on the wonderful Jewschool, I come sharing some music from the fantastic Not By Might - A Debbie Friedman Cover Band.
Please enjoy!
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What We Talk About When We Talk About the GA–New Voices
Here’s an excerpt from Caroline Kessler’s post at New Voices about the Jewish Federations of North America GA.
…here are some impressions:
To explain the “big-deal-ness” of this to non-Jews: just mention that Vice President Biden spoke, and they raise their eyebrows, as if they are impressed, and then squint, saying, “Is he Jewish?”
To stay awake during a session: count the number of times you hear the word “Delegitimization”–you won’t fall asleep, ever.
To be hypocritical: pretend you are an “older” delegate and don’t directly answer any of the questions that students ask during the sessions or workshop.
[...]
To sound like everyone else: use the following catchphrases–”delegitimization,” “conflict,” “framing,” “giving,” “development,” “social media,” “nolaga,” “Israel advocacy,” “Jewish identity,” “generation,” “future.”
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Teh Jewschool Progressive 36ez
I don’t begrudge all the earnest folks who do good work for the jooz. I even like when they are all named to important lists. Like Slingshootz. And the Forvertz 50. And the Joozish Week 36-24-36. Etc. Etc. Etc.
But I begz your pardon, what’s with this Jewish Community Zeroes thingy? All the issues of teh femalez aside teh questionz iz, ‘Wasnt this whole thing just a clever tactic for JFNA* to collect several hundred thousand emailz of teh young Jooz? *(not their real name, which is much longer and is never to be abbreviated even to save space)
We at Jewschool felt we ought to do the same… Since we’re all about the Joozploitation, we are very proud to announce…
**Teh Jewschool Progressive 36 Lamed Vavnik Double Chai Latte Hero Sandwichez… Bitchez.**
Zero Calories
Honoring movers and shakers doing good work on behalf of (or for) the Jooz in the areas of:
Social and economic justice and do-gooding
Peace (in Israel and elsewhere, except Iceland)
Jewish culture (whatever that is)
Spirituality (‘specially the touchy feel-y sort)
Inclusivity (Pluralist, Racial, Gender and all that ‘faggy’ stuff)
Media (it is the message after all, liek this blog)
Other things we hate but have to include.
Step one:
We announce the contest and make it sticky on the site. (check)
Circulate it via email, blogosphere and intertubes. (need your help here)
Develop snarky but slick logo that looks Obama-esque (uh, check?)
Step two:
Nominations accepted via form submission on the website
Post facebook event/app/group/widget to redirect voters to jewschool.com
Be sure that heads of major Joowish organizations and entities iz nominated.
Also, anyone with a huge email/twitter/facebook following…
Note that femalez iz welcome to apply but will not be winnerz
(cuz they iz too stoopid… naw, cuz they all already iz heroz- hi mom!)
Step three:
Inform all nominees they are finalists. Because they are all special.
To be named a 36, they must encourage their supporters to vote for them
(and be popular).
Votes are accepted via hosted form, which collects their name, locale,
email, etc.
Step four:
Announce winners of the cheerleading squad via press release, youtubz
and facespaces.
Compile voter list into email database and announce winners via email list
Solicit their financial support, just for shirtz and gigglz
step five:
Use the email list for our own purposez: to give all teh kittehz cheezburgerz er- Kosher tofu-parve cheezburgers..!
Muuuuhahahahahaha!!!! I eatz it up. I laffs at u.
More »
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Please Dont Bomb My Shul
Of late, for a variety of reasons, I haven’t gone to my Chicago shul much. Between indie-minyans and leading services for the Jewish elderly, there’s not been much occasion for me to enter the institutions into which I purportedly refuse to set foot…
Still its scary to learn of the plot this week by getting emails from them about these bomb threats.
Mr. Al-Quesadilla, please dont’ bomb the the shul that I don’t set foot in. If its not going to be there for future generations of Jooz to use, I want it to be because of my principled stand, or at least the one I am purported to take (until I too have kids), rather than a due to your clumsy but scary terrorism attempt.
At the very least, I would prefer the aleph-bet soup Jooish defense organizations to exploit this event by soliciting funds in the name of defending Jooz from the very real turbaned boogey-men under our beds and laser printers. That way even more of us can be turned off by heavy-handed scare tactics (like we haven’t had enough of that with the elections…). It is not without irony that I hear the whir of printer drums warming up to spit out millions of fear-filled solicitation letters.
Now, I have to write a paper for Stephen Cohen and my printer is running low. Can anyone send me a spare a toner cartridge?
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Food Politics
Epicurious, a wonderful food website and recipe treasure trove, has published a cool little blog called “Around the World in 80 Dishes.” I think it is a cool way to learn about the important food around the world and possibly cook a very tasty meal.
But guess what? Epicurious is now in on the World Wide Zionist Conspiricy. Thanks to this site, Falafel, a dish invented in the Middle East (and eaten for the first time in pita with other goodies, in Israel according to the site’s research) has been stolen from the Arab world by the evil Zionists. You got to read the comments.
First Lebanon and the hummus. Now Epicurious and the Falafel. Next stop: THE WORLD!
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Cutting edge AJC! (which one?)
The following is the better part of an email chain from the Jewschool contributors email list from the last two days. I have posted this for two reasons. First, I thought it was funny. Second, from time to time I see commenters here at Jewschool writing as though we have some kind of coherent editorial process or well-defined agenda. The manner in which we conduct these email exchanges should disabuse y’all of that notion.
Contributor 1:
I had to laugh when I saw this in the AJC Access newsletter:
“AJC launched its new, cutting-edge iPhone application—the first from a major Jewish organization. The AJC app, available free of charge in Apple’s App Store, allows iPhone users to stay updated on AJC news, blogs, videos, Twitter and more….”
The first? I’ve had an iPhone app for my website for about 2 years now. It’s not that hard and even I didn’t claim to be the first….
But it begs the question- if I’m savvy enough to use blogs, twitter and other social media, why would I need an app from AJC?
And if I’m already following all those feeds, aren’t I already getting sufficiently updated?
There are some things AJC does that I think are okay, and some are a bit well, you know. But it’s as if they invented the very notion of a Jewish App. And that theirs is useful…
BZ:
Grrrr. begthequestion.info
Still, blog it!
Contributor 2:
AJC cutting edge? AJC doesn’t even know what its mission is. Its mission statement is like, three pages long. The whole real mission? All about scaring old people into giving money so the org doesn’t have to fold.
Reb Yudel:
On the other hand, an app to help distinguish between AJCongress and AJComittee might actually be useful…
Contributor 3:
How about the difference between the arukh hashulchan and the shulchan arukh?
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And now for something totally ridiculous
I wanted to write something witty about the parallels of chauvinism and machismo in the Middle East and professional kitchens but I just am totally baffled by the fact that Lebanon and Israel are fighting each other by cooking obscene amounts of falafel.
Lebanese chefs load up with falafel for Israel food fight
(AFP)BEIRUT — A day after firing a 10-tonne hummus broadside in a food fight with Israel, chefs in Lebanon weighed in with another first for a Guinness record on Sunday — five tonnes of falafel.
More than 300 chefs mixed a ton of chickpeas with an equal portion of broad beans, adding onions, garlic, coriander, onion, pepper and cumin to concoct 5,173 kilos (11,381 pounds) of falafel, a deep-fried patty popular in Lebanon and many parts of the Middle East. More »
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Jewish Summer Movie Preview
Two upcoming movies I’m guessing the Jewish community will be discussing this summer: “Holy Rollers” (above), based on an apparently true story about Hasidic drug runners; and “The Infidel” (below), a wacky comedy about a British Muslim man who discovers his birth parents were Jewish.
My early reviews: the latter movie looks like a hash of the stupidest stereotypes of Muslims and Jews (tho I’ll admit that the final line in the trailer made me laugh out loud).
Re “Holy Rollers:” the peyos in “The Chosen” were more realistic…
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