The JTA reports, “Jewish high school students in the New York area will learn how to advocate for Israel. Some 200 high school seniors are participating in a Jan. 15 event kicking off the program, which is being sponsored by 20 Jewish organizations. Israeli Cabinet minister Natan Sharansky will appear at the event.”

I can see these fuckers wringing their hands over this already. “Yes, my little minions. You barely have pubic hairs, yet you will be instrumental in defending our right to ethnically cleanse indigenous peoples in the name of Jewish continuity—a situation you have no comprehension of because at this stage in your life, you are more concerned with the likes of Playstation 2 and Linkin Park. But that will not keep us from politicizing you nor conditioning you to react to criticism of Israel with an engrained ‘Israel can do no wrong’ response, so that you may serve as our first line of defense against the multitude of intelligent critiques of Israeli governmental policy that you will encounter once you enter college next year! Muahahahaha! Thanks for all your help, Mr. Luntz!”

Ya know, if you’re going to train pseudo-militants, at least give ’em some useful skills, like how to assemble a Kalishnakov or jump through a flaming hoop! I mean, really…

Despite my Hebrew school education, when I was a senior in high school, frankly, I didn’t know shit about Israel. And now that I’m a more experienced and educated adult, years later, I find that the more I study up on Israeli history, all the more I come to realize how little I actually know, and how much an investment of time and energy it takes one to really get an appropriate grasp on the current state of affairs over there. How can American teenagers who, seriously, haven’t the vaguest notion as to what they’re talking about, advocate on Israel’s behalf? What, you’re gonna give ’em some handouts and show ’em a Powerpoint presentation? Maybe put ’em through an excruciating, snore-laden screening of Exodus? Break ’em out into activity groups where they take turns role-playing Zionists and anti-Zionists? Please! It’s a preposterous and offensive notion as far as I’m concerned.

This is just another Zionist brainwashing camp fathered by philanthropists who advocate the use of underhanded tactics gleaned from the advertising industry (ie., the “cooling” of Judaism evidenced by Heeb, et al.) to promote ethnocentric nationalism under the auspices of preserving a Jewish future, as opposed to being true tzaddikim and, through their own Torah-observance, instilling a love of yiddishkeit in their children, who would undoubtedly love Judaism if only they saw it practiced right. There is a light in there—a light within Judaism—that is so obfuscated by politics and sectarianism, that it’s become virtually unnoticable, and ultimately unknowable. But if you make that light known to your children (not by stuffing it down their throats, but by inspiring and provoking them) they will seek it out with everything they have within them, and they will share this gift with their children as well.

I may be a flaky hippie for saying so, but at least I’m not trying to manipulate teenagers into convincing their friends that it’s okay to bulldoze someone’s house with an armored Caterpillar because “Palestinians are all terrorists” or because “Israel’s the coolest!” Is that what preserving a Jewish identity has come to mean in this day and age—ethnocentrism and the dehumanization of Palestinians?

How ’bout this, ya heathen bastards—how about putting 200 high school seniors into a yeshiva advocacy program, huh? Huh?

Yeah, I thought so. Fuckers.