Mess-ther Junkrice, you are so over, you are toast. Wonder Rebitzen Hadassah Gross is where it’s at these days. She’s the hot new number for Kiruv in the Big Apple, and don’t you forget it! Snap, snap.
Draga (that’s dahlink in the real Mamaloshen, Hung-garish) I must tell you, the other night at the 92nd Street Y, Rebitzen Gross [secretly played to perfection by Amichai Lau-Lavie of Storahtelling] unwrapped Chanukah, and what a delicious fashion plate she was!
The 74 year old blondina who has been widowed six, count ’em six times, razzle-dazzled the audience. Really, she must be made of rubber to bounce back so well and shine so brightly–you wonder how often she replaces her batteries. The trim, tiny Rebitzen with the big, beautiful sheitel (teasing anything or anyone that much is dangerous!) went on and on about modesty, though perhaps her own skirt was a tad too short for such a far-frumpted lady–who was as far frum frumpy as you can get.
What an amazing jacket! What a truly beautiful mind! Such inspiration, such wonder! Such glitz! And great gams, too. Would you expect less from someone who, after all, brags about hanging with the Divine Miss M and Empress Barbara? Puhleeze! You know better. And besides, she knows all about toys. And boys. Much more than Madonna. The Rebitzen you see, is not “mekable” Madonna. She receives instead, the true spirit of Hashem and all Her gifts, and her mission is to teach us to receive as well.
Eight roses in vases (pronounced vazas, draga)–each was given to a member of the audience who truly appreciates one of each of the unique eight gifts, from fashion sense to latkes, from the miracle of the oil to the spirit world. (Full disclosure: I was awarded the rose for fashion sense, girlies. My vintage, boatnecked, shoulder-padded sweater completely covered in black pailletes, my slimming black leather pants and my sling-back Jimmy Choos were just too too. So nice to be appreciated by a connoisseur!)
Listen up! Wonder Rebitzen Gross delivers her drash in the classic manner of the elegant European Lady of the Old World Rabbinic Dynasties, and is full of the wisdom of Bubbeh Maysehs–just like the rabbis who sat on Pearl Gluck’s divan. This adorable Rebitzen should not be missed the next time she holds court in your neighborhood. Her blessing is worth it.
In the meantime, Choco-lum….that’s kisses, Draga, to you.
—Jeanette Friedman