Jewfork
Jewfork is an “often-as-we-can” feature wherein an anonymous agent snarkily reviews Jewish music in the vein of Pitchfork Media.
Chutzpah (Eponymous)
No stars
“OY! Kids today!/What do they know from this Ebonics?” This whole thing’s a joke — right? This is a lyric from the self-proclaimed “worlds first ever hip-hop Jewish super group.” Ironic that you are emulating…oh nevermind — it doesn’t even matter, because this record is terrible. Generic beats combined with inane rhyme schemes and lyrics like “Talkin’ about the phat cash/We’re gonna’ put our nose in” make me want to revoke your license to ill. Did anyone at JMG tell you that to be a “super group” you all have to be famous and talented? Puke.
Etan G South Side of the Synagogue

What do you do after Shlock Rock? I’ll tell you one thing you don’t do Etan G — don’t refer to your alleged audience as “brothers and sisters,” pretend to be a Baptist preacher, or use the word “hizouse.” Actually, all of these activities should be strictly avoided unless you are a real life black preacher or Snoop. With that off my chest, there are some terribly catchy moments where G doesn’t attempt to fit 8 extra words into each line such as the newfangled version of Shlock Rock’s “Yo Yo Yo Yarmulke” now “Yo Yo 2000/5760.” But man — what’s up with “Recognize the Miracles” and “Elevate”? I believe G actually plagiarized a rhyme I wrote in my 4th grade Hebrew school class with “It’s okay to be cool/Totally rule/But don’t be a fool.” Don’t worry though buddy — I won’t sue you. I’m not interested in trying to take your hizouse or Hizonda away. See what I mean?
Blood of Abraham Eyedollartree

The Los Angeles-based duo of Benyad and Mazik should be the new model. Luscious bass sounds, thoughtful beats, and cross-cultural dialogue all come together on this brilliant record. “Only The Wise” offers a youth empowerment anthem worthy of placement next to those that Kanye and Matisyahu have created. The wail and groove of “Rosetta Stone” warns us to take things at face value. The production help of Black Eyed Pea Will.I.Am doesn’t hurt either — piano bits, keyboard blips, guitar lines, and back-up vocals that fit together like pipes and faucet and equal — yup, you guessed it — flow. Add Kool Keith and conscious lyrics to the mix and you have the whole kitchen sink.