Apparently none of us are “Real Jews.” That is, until we pass the following “test.”
This is from an email sent to the mailing list at UJC, which is supposedly confidential. Hmmm….
Read and try not to throw up.
You’re Not A REAL Jew Until You take this TEST!!!
Want to prove that you are a real Jew?
If you are a real a real Jew, say this prayer out loud three times right now:
If Jesus is not the Messiah, then these prayers will have no effect on you, but if Jesus is the Messiah, they will. Remember, you have to say these out loud 3x each, in a row.
I bet you you will change once you says these prayers. Say them by yourself, you don’t have to do it in front of anyone. If you are reading this when there is someone around, you can close it and print it out and say it then.
Say this WHOLE thing out loud 3x:
HOLY SPIRIT, I RECEIVE YOU. PLEASE COME INTO MY HEART AND GUIDE ME.
OUR FATHER WHICH ART IN HEAVEN, HALLOWED BE THY NAME.
THY KINGDOM COME. THY WILL BE DONE, AS IN HEAVEN SO ON EARTH.
GIVE US DAY BY DAY OUR DAILY BREAD.
AND FORGIVE US OUR SINS;
FOR WE ALSO FORGIVE EVERY ONE THAT IS INDEBTED TO US.
AND LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION; BUT DELIVER US FROM EVIL.
FOR THINE IS THE KINGDOM AND THE POWER AND THE GLORY FOREVER.
IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST,
Then say this out loud 3x:
SATAN, IN THE NAME OF JESUS, I COMMAND YOU TO LEAVE MY MIND, BODY, LIFE,
AND SOUL TODAY IN THE NAME OF JESUS!
YOU HAVE NO DOMINION OVER MY LIFE!
I SUBMIT MY BODY, LIFE, AND SOUL TO GOD, IN THE NAME OF JESUS!
THE BLOOD OF JESUS! THE BLOOD OF JESUS! THE BLOOD OF JESUS AGAINST YOU SATAN!
I APPLY THE BLOOD OF JESUS OVER MY LIFE!
I APPLY THE BLOOD OF JESUS OVER WHERE I LIVE AT!
I APPLY THE BLOOD OF JESUS OVER MY FAMILY!
I DO IT ALL IN THE NAME OF JESUS
THE BLOOD OF JESUS! THE BLOOD OF JESUS! THE BLOOD OF JESUS AGAINST YOU
SATAN! IN JESUS NAME I CALL IT DONE! AMEN AND AMEN!
IN JESUS CHRIST’S HOLY NAME I PRAY, AMEN!
DO NOT DELETE THIS EMAIL UNTIL YOU HAVE DONE THIS.
AFTER YOU HAVE CHANGED, PASS THIS ON TO YOUR FELLOW NON-BELIEVERS IN CHRIST.
ONCE AGAIN, IF YOU WANT TO PROVE THAT YOU ARE A REAL JEW, FOLLOW THESE INSTRUCTIONS. If you have the nerve to believe that there is no CHRIST, then you should have the NERVE to prove it! By chickening out and not doing this test, you show that you may have something to be afraid of. This email was not sent to you to annoy you, but to help.
So nu? Has anyone out there been transformed into a “Real Jew”? If so, get an education.
Can this possibly be good publicity for them? And is the whole 3x thing like Islam, and you instantly become a Jew for Jesus? Or if you click your heels three times while saying it, are you transported to their black-and-white world? Or if you say
“Beetlejuice” “Jesus” three times, does he pop out of a diorama and take you on a tour of the Netherworld heaven? That would be more impressive.