Mishegas

The List of All Jewish Lists

From Ilana Sichel, editor-in-fantastic at New Voices:
David Letterman loves lists. John Cusack in High Fidelity loved lists. Wayne and Garth loved lists. It’s high time that New Voices embraced the phenomenon that is the list.
We are in the planning stages of our next issue, and we want to know who makes your list. Biblical characters, politicians, contrarians, artists, musicians, theorists? Think anyone with a Jewish parents/grandparents could make the cut? Send us your names. You don’t have to be Jewish to categorize Jews.

  • Professions monopolized by Jews that DON”T inspire conspiracy theories
  • Most bizarre Jewish rituals and traditions
  • Top novels or short stories that have something to do with Jews
  • Reasons it wouldn’t be so bad to have Pagan grandkids
  • Things we wish the American Jewish community would focus energy on, besides Israel and intermarriage
  • Movies/books/TV shows you never realized till later had hidden Jewish subtexts
  • Things that are sexy about the stereotypical Jewish body
  • Kick-ass Jewish resistance fighters
  • Jews under 25 who’ve played leading roles in Jewish history
  • Famous non-Ashkenazi Jews throughout history
  • Jews from times past who talk about 21st-century worthy things, in language accessible to 21st-century ears
  • Jews who played major roles in R & B and jazz
  • Best Jewish-related spam senders and recipients (a recent one is from “Holocaust,” subject line “Perfect for Newlyweds”
  • Jews who proved that it’s possible to be Jewish and Athletic
  • Famous secular Jews (who made a point of their secular-ness)
  • Jews who tried to be goyim/would be horrified to be on this list
  • Jews we wish were goyim
  • Best Jewish blogs
  • Most neurotic Jews in show business
  • Events in Jewish history you wish you’d witnessed
  • Reasons people don’t go to Hillel
  • Reasons Hebrew school sucked
  • Israeli Names that are unfortunate to have if you live outside Israel
  • Ways Lieberman could screw over the democratic party
  • Reasons why it’s better that a Jew has never been the president of the US
  • Best Yiddish words
  • “Next Big Things” for the Jewish world (part of a Hot or Not section; what’s hip, what’s out)

Second Shameless Plug:
New Voices (subscribe for free) also wants your [read: Jewish, undergraduate-ish] ideas for articles that relate to the topics of influence, fame, popularity, and Jewishness. Tell us why this matters, or why it doesn’t. Tell us why you chose the way you did or why you excluded someone who it seemed obvious to include.
Submit it all here.

3 thoughts on “The List of All Jewish Lists

  1. Sexiest thing about the stereotypical Jew?
    The nose, bubbe, the nose (forget about the foot myths).
    Jews I wish were goyim? The Jewish surnamed neo-cons who claim you have to be Jewish to be one, then scream that ‘neo-con’ is the new anti-semitic term for Jew haters.

  2. -Kick-ass Jewish resistance fighters-
    Korach
    The Besht
    Sholom Schwartzbard
    -Most bizarre Jewish rituals and traditions-
    Kaporos
    Shirayim
    Belief in a god
    -Things we wish the American Jewish community would focus energy on, besides Israel and intermarriage-
    Revolution
    -Things that are sexy about the stereotypical Jewish body-
    Zaftigeh girls
    Payos
    The Shnoz
    Tuches
    -Jews under 25 who’ve played facilitating roles in Jewish history-
    Mobius
    Sholom (He’s a narcissistic little shit.)
    Malkie Schwartz
    -Jews from times past who talk about 21st-century worthy things, in language accessible to 21st-century ears-
    Korach
    -Jews we wish were goyim-
    HRH the GGC MHSHF
    -Best Jewish blogs-
    DovBear
    Shameless self-promotion
    The Cow
    JewSchool
    Failed Messiah
    UnOrthodox Jew
    -Events in Jewish history you wish you’d witnessed-
    * denotes an event that should have happened, but didn’t.
    Korach’s uprising
    The GGC’s assasination in 1950*
    The riot following Spinoza’s Cherem*
    The transformation of Acher
    Jacob’s wrestling match
    -“Next Big Things” for the Jewish world-
    Young Jews not giving a fuck about what’s “hip”

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