Hey kids, are you looking for a way to get out of studying for that English test? Take a page from some British Jewish students who boycotted the Shakespeare section of the national English test, and claim antisemitism!

The 14-year-old girls, whose actions were supported by their parents, The Independent said were protesting anti-Semitism in Shakespeare’s portrayal of Shylock in The Merchant of Venice. The exam questions they refused to answer were actually about The Tempest, a different work of Shakespeare’s.

I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before. I was a physics major in college, and I busted my ass learning quantum mechanics when I could have skipped the test instead, on the grounds that Heisenberg was employed by Hitler.
(Note: The extent to which Heisenberg willingly cooperated with the Nazis is a subject of much historical controversy, inspiring a Broadway play. But so is The Merchant of Venice, which I assume has also played on Broadway.)
And now that I’m a high school teacher, I refuse to grade Regents exams, because we use an assembly-line method, which is totally antisemitic.
Finally, I’m boycotting the Torah, because whoever (or Whoever) wrote it is clearly an antisemite (or a self-hating Jew). I mean, they go out of their way to portray Jews in an unfavorable light, reviving all the tired stereotypes. Look at the evidence: Jacob tricks Esau into selling his birthright for a bowl of lentil stew. The Israelites run off with the Egyptians’ gold and silver. And don’t get me started on “an eye for an eye”.