Culture

Area Man Saddened To Realize Short Jewish Women With An Interest In Theater His Type

onion pic
I must have missed this amazing onion article last month while I was out of town doing political election organizing.
Title: Area Man Saddened To Realize Short Jewish Women With An Interest In Theater His Type
Money quote:

Unable to deny his physical attraction to them any longer, Simms said that all a woman needed to turn him on was to be a member of God’s chosen people and struggle to reach her kitchen cupboards. In addition, Simms said that women capable of discussing Death Of A Salesman in a thick Brooklyn accent always made him lose his mind.

The whole thing is surely worth a read and also surely offensive, but it’s the onion.

2 thoughts on “Area Man Saddened To Realize Short Jewish Women With An Interest In Theater His Type

  1. Just this week the front cover of the Onion had a very Jewschool-related article: Long-Standing Conflict Ends As Israel Returns Lawn Mower To Palestine
    Apparently it was in really bad shape, but hey, at least the conflict is over.
    “A loaner is a loaner, whether it’s a rusted-out hunk of junk or not,” said Dr. Sayid Al-Habib, a noted Palestinian diplomat. “Sure, it leaks oil, and yes, we were probably going to throw it out anyway, but that is not the point. When you borrow something, you return it.”

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