Half-Jew/Whole-Jew
For those Jews of us under 30 years old, fully half of us have only one Jewish parent. Our identities incorporate differences of perspective due to family ties, shared loyalty, and the dubious benefit of suffering from not only anti-Semitism but anti-whatever-else-we-are.
Previously, someone told me I couldn’t be both religiously Jewish and culturally Catholic. Never was there a clearer moment of “who the hell are you to tell me I can’t be what I am,” and I say that with all respect. But it was an example of the confusion towards us mixed.
But not to rely on my own experience, I put the question of identity to my Catholic university friends. Sitting in a Seattle coffee shop with Mary, David and Joe, I posed the question — “Can you be just culturally Catholic?” Their answers varied: Mary is Catholicly religious in a deep and spiritual way, but doubts the divinity of Jesus. David doesn’t believe he’s Catholic anymore because while his theology and values are Catholic, he doesn’t participate in the Catholic community. Joe is a serious agnostic and has left Catholicism behind entirely but would like to raise his kids with something similar, like in the Episcopal Church. I am a Jew but my father’s family is Catholic.
Each of them agreed, to different extents, that they were “culturally Catholic.” Their values and early religious schooling was in Catholic schools and the four of us attended and were highly influenced by the open theology of our Jesuit Catholic university. For better or for worse, we were influenced by the most severe doctrines yet are inspired not by Jesus’ message and his many saints, but by so many humble and serving adherants and priests.
I am a Jew. But part of me is Catholic: certain values, certain approaches to God, and certain Biblical quotes, not to mention certain aunts and cousins. And whoever wants to rag on Catholics can meet either my hunger to shame the prejudiced or my foot to the face. Nothing is more hypocritical than Jews who like to tell other Jews who is and is not a Jew, or who can’t have what identity. Considering especially how throughout Jewish history, Jews have been outsiders precisely because we suffered dual identities — French and Jewish, German and Jewish. (Not unlike orthodox and modern, Reform and halakhic, I might add…)
So if you’re a half-Jew/whole-Jew from an interfaith, multifaith, mixed, dually-loyal, or other less-than-pure background and want to explore faith, observance, discrimination, and our changing place in the North American Jewish community, then please join us in Philly for a workshop designed by fellow mudbloods below.
Here’s to freedom from those who oppress us, tell us we cannot be Jewish, or have no idea what they’re talking about. Hag Pesach sameach!
Half Jew/Whole Jew
A workshop for adult Jews from interfaith families
Sunday May 17
10 am – 5 pm
Gershman Y, Philadelphia
The Jewish community has a wide range of reactions to intermarriage, and a wide range of programs currently reaching out to interfaith families. But what about us Jews who already did grow up in an interfaith family? Our goal in this workshop is to understand our own and each others’ experiences more fully, and also ultimately to make recommendations to Jewish leaders on issues of intermarriage, interfaith inclusivity, and outreach. This workshop will take place in Philadelphia. There is no cost. Travel stipends may be available.
Contact Rebecca for more details.
Kung Fu Jew, I can’t tell you how happy I am to read this post. My dad is Jewish, my mom isn’t, and you would not believe the number of people (gentiles, even!) who, upon uncovering this fact, will tell me, “Aha, so you’re not really Jewish!” Like they’re the first people to ever tell me about this bit of halakha.
I identify very much as Jewish, though I know I’m both culturally Jewish and culturally Protestant. I don’t see it as a contradiction, and I usually just tell people I’m Jewish. But for some reason, people will never just take me at my word–they always want to dig down to find out if I’m “really” Jewish.
Anyway, keep up the great posts for all us halfsies out here.
I love the idea for this conference. I’ve always found it strange for such a tiny community to exclude any of our members based on nit picky Halachah. It’s just not in the spirit of a welcoming environment, nor is it productive.
“Nothing is more hypocritical than Jews who like to tell other Jews who is and is not a Jew, or who can’t have what identity. Considering especially how throughout Jewish history, Jews have been outsiders precisely because we suffered dual identities — French and Jewish, German and Jewish.”
You are mistaken on this point. Jews have not “suffered dual identities” “throughout…history.” The question of dual identity did not arise until the concept of the modern nation-state did, which in most cases (in Europe) did not take place until the nineteenth century. Previous to this, Jews were always considered a separate, alien people. In many cases, they were referred to as the property of the local lord or king. The issue of whether or not to allow Jews to be citizens — an issue first confronted by France in the mid- to late-1700s — was hotly debated through the 19th century (and became the “Jewish problem”) and resulted in Jews having to sacrifice their particularity in order to qualify and gain equal rights.
Citizenship in Europe came and went with Napoleon, was re-established in certain places, then rejected again, and on and on. This issue was at the heart of the establishment of the Reform movement, and was hotly debated as racism became “scientific,” and the whole thing led up to the Holocaust.
It is a common mistake to apply the experience of European Jews in the 19th century to the centuries that preceded it. My point is that you’re applying a modern concept to the whole of Jewish history, and that is not an accurate picture.
In terms of the the “nit picky” nature of halakha on this issue, I think it’s well to remember that every group defines itself, one way or another. If it doesn’t, it ceases to be a group. There has to be some standard that can be applied. I’m not saying I agree with the one we’ve inherited, but it’s too easy to use the old accusation that “Judaism is so nit picky.” According to many churches, a person cannot call him/herself a member unless s/he has been baptized. So is that also nit picky? Does a church have a right to maintain that standard? Would you say, “I don’t care what the church says; I’m going to call myself a member of the body of Christ even if I haven’t been baptized”? Doesn’t a group have a right to decide on how it defines itself? Just wondering.
“For those Jews of us under 30 years old, fully half of us have only one Jewish parent.”
This ratio may apply for Jews in the USA but I think the world-wide figures are not quite there.
Are Jews from fully Jewish families accepted into the community without some form of ritual ‘baptism?’ The Bar/Bat Mizvah is the adult version where teenagers choose; however, it’s also something that is culturally expected of them and parents plan. Either way Christians want to claim the world as Christians, and that is the basic standard used. However when people are told ‘you are not really a member of the group’ and ‘go be Christian’ because a book written when the Romans were conquering Israel says so then it’s crazy. Let’s not forget that part of the standard for Roman domination is raping all the women and planting Roman babies in their stomachs. At the time the document was written, it was to assure raped women that their children were accepted into the community. HOWEVER in this day and age, it’s used an exclusion devise to keep out the half bloods. Being told ‘conversion is an option’ when the door was rudely closed in the proverbial face is not exactly welcoming.
Either way I cannot make your lovely conference as I live in Miami. I wish you well!!!
B. Devorah, while the concept of the nation-state certainly moderni2d the idea of dual-identity, one need only look to the experiences of Jews in the times of the Maccabees to remember that we have been struggling with how to be both “this and that” simultaneously for far longer than you suggest.
According to many churches, a person cannot call him/herself a member unless s/he has been baptized.
I’m pretty sure this isn’t true. All you have to do to be a Christian is accept Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. Different denominations have different views on baptism, but it’s not THE THING that makes you Christian. They actually want people to identify as Christians, so they make it easy. I’m not sure why so many Jewish people want to keep people who want to be Jewish out of the club.
Em, it’s certainly true in many cases. One cannot call oneself Catholic, for instance, unless one’s been baptized Catholic. (And for adult converts to Catholicism, there’s a long learning process that goes on prior to conversion). Most Protestant denominations also have requirements to fulfill before one can join that church – though, to be clear, they wouldn’t usually mark the joining of the church as the same as “becoming a Christian,” which would generally be a more personal thing.
My husband grew up Baptist, and some of the kids were baptized and some weren’t but all were considered Christians until they actually renounced that identity. (For those who don’t know, Baptists practice “adult” baptism, that is, you have to actually choose to be baptized and be old enough to make that choice, though you don’t have to actually be an adult.) Some of the kids who weren’t baptized continued to identify as Christian for a lot longer than the ones who were. They might question your Christianity if you drank alcohol or listened to the wrong kind of music, but they didn’t question it based on whether you were baptized or not.
I’ve also lived in rural areas of Latin America where people didn’t have regular ministry from an ordained priest and couldn’t afford to pay for those services when the priest came around once a year. Many people did not get baptized until late in childhood and did not get confirmed until adulthood. There was an order to things – you couldn’t get married unless you were confirmed, you couldn’t get confirmed unless you were baptized – but I never heard anyone referred to as “not Catholic” because of the lack of these things.
It comes down to how you define “being a member” of a church. B. Devorah referred to “being a member of the Body of Christ,” which is a lot broader than being, say, a Catholic in good standing with your local parish.
B. Devorah: Yes and no. Accusations of dual loyalty don’t have to depend on either the context of a modern nation-state or modern notions of citizenship. While medieval and early modern Jews could have the status of a separate nation whose belonging depended on protection by a monarch, this in turn could lead to antipathy towards Jews as a nation within one’s nation. Jews faced plenty of accusations of disloyalty before the 18th century. You see this in debates over the readmission of Jews to England in the 1650s, and in hostility to the new Jewish community following their settlement in the realm. I’d say that accusations of dual identity have their own history, and vary in content across time.
Jordan, that statistic is from a Hillel study in 2004/5. It’s in their annual report.
One thought:
I’m gonna point out that all human groups/cultures/societies set their own criteria for admission. This is not strange. This is not a personal oppression. If you don’t like the criteria for admission you have various options for convincing the group/culture/society to change them. But there will always be boundaries, albeit fuzzy. That’s the nature of human phenomena.
Another thought:
Your argument can’t be “I’m Jewish AND YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT because I feel like I’m Jewish”. I feel like a Klondike bar. Big whoop. Make an reasoned argument, don’t throw a tantrum. What about you is Jewish? What about your culture? Your religion? Your language? Your outlook? Your education? What do you know about Jewish history? Why do you identify with it?
That’s how you craft a proper argument. Otherwise, what distinguishes you from all the “Nuwaubians”, the “Times Square Cultists”, and those Southern U.S. Evangelicals who attend “Messianic Synagogues” to pray to their Jesus — they think they’re Jewish too! And the main reason (it seems to me at least) that they are not *actually* Jewish is because they don’t know shit about JEWISHNESS or JUDAISM: they think being “Jewish” makes them special, so they call themselves “Jews”. They throw some (mangled) Hebrew words around, compliment themselves on being God’s favored children, and go about their thoroughly un-Jewish lives. Don’t be like them.
A third thought:
Traditionally, Jewishness was thought of as determined by a Covenant. This is still true among most forms of the Judaic religion. The thing about Covenants, deals, contracts, and oaths, however, is that they’re usually very precise about who they apply to. Who the parties to the agreement are, and who they are not. It is a feature of Jewish society for milennia to examine its fuzzy boundaries and try to sharpen them. Because a Berit isn’t something you mess with.
A final thought:
All communities should be welcoming to outsiders, and should be taken to task if they are not. But that’s not the same issue as the question of who gets to be an insider in the first place.
But cW, what happens when we disagree with the way the fuzzy boundaries around the Brit have been sharpened? Going back as far as the time of Ezra, who returned to Eretz Yisrael and declared that the Israelites who hadn’t experienced exile were no longer “insiders,” the [leaders of the] Jewish people have made some decisions that might have been right for the time, but appear pretty shitty in retrospect.
dlevy:
I think that’s what’s going on right now between Recon/Ref vs. Cons/Ortho, between Modern Orthodox vs. Charedi, between the Brooklyn Syrian Jews and everyone else, etc. Arguments over boundaries, and whether they should be changed.
CW: As far as self-identity is concerned, one does have to accept whoever says they’re what they are. It’s silly to argue against their self-definition. When it comes to large groups of people, it becomes a political problem when different groups say they all belong together but one group (in this case, a minority group) puts fingers in their ears.
The Messianic Jews are an interesting case. I think they SHOULD be included in our community because many of them are Jews by all ethnic and halakhic definitions — but they believe in Jesus. I grew up with a few such Jews and their sense of victimhood and persecution by the average Jewish sensibility is pretty strong. And the anti-Christianity becomes pretty ugly. And they suffer a very special anti-Semitism in addition, because the Christian community views them as half-Christian and all Jewish. It’s fascinating and tragic.
In many ways, if someone claims to be Jewish and if a community can assert some case (ANY case) for their Jewishness, well, what can you do? No one body, org or movement represents THE Jewish people in order to define anyone as an outsider.
Identifying Jews for Yoshka as Jews is not the same as embracing and accepting their choice to reject the fundamental beliefs of Yiddishkeit. They should be shunned and rejected – their activism is, in real practical terms, damaging to themselves, those Jews who are swayed by their lies, and by extension, the entire Jewish community.
These Jews have sadly chosen a path whose ultimate goal is the destruction of the Jewish faith. We should not be tolerant in the least to their perversions, and should educate all members of our congregations to reject their advances outright.
Make an reasoned argument, don’t throw a tantrum. What about you is Jewish? What about your culture? Your religion? Your language? Your outlook? Your education? What do you know about Jewish history? Why do you identify with it?
The frustration comes because for some (many?) people, there are no answers to these questions that are good enough if your mother wasn’t Jewish (even if she converted, still not good enough).
And it’s not just that there are standards. It’s that the bar is set basically at the floor if you have two Jewish parents and at the ceiling if you have one Jewish parent.
The allegation that Jews “were treated as a separate, alien people” before Emancipation isn’t universal, either. It describes (large) segments of Europe at best. It certainly wasn’t true for those who considered themselves subjects of the Ottoman Empire. There’s that dual identity thing again!
And remember, long before Europe was playing with the idea of nation-states, countries in the Americas had already granted Jews full participation in the political process.
Without defending anyone, I think it’s important to point out that not all messianic Jews are affiliated with the Jews for Jesus organization. J4J is a destructive cult secretly funded by evangelical churches. But there are other messianic congregations out there that may be, in my opinion, misguided, but may not be deceptive and destructive.
What about you is Jewish?
Some define their Yiddishkeit through the lenses of observance, outlook, language, self-image, education and history. However, this does not make them Jewish, nor does it strip them of their being Jewish. A Jew has a Jewish soul. A Ger receives a Jewish soul. A Jew exists in physicality because of a spiritual foundation. This is why I find certain Jewish sects who reject that spiritual foundation while embracing “the Jew” as an socio-ethnic, self-identified grouping problematic.
If all being Jewish means is the equivalent of a membership to this library and not that, with no greater meaning except to preserve this arbitrary culture and not another, why would anyone choose to remain Jewish?
At least those who made the choice to strip Judaism of spirituality did so from a certain foundation of knowledge of the Jewish faith. Their children, however, never had a choice, because they lacked that foundation, and were fed the aspiritual diet from the get-go. Why act surprised, then, when 50% defect from one library to another.
If all being Jewish means is the equivalent of a membership […] with no greater meaning except to preserve this arbitrary culture and not another, why would anyone choose to remain Jewish?
My spiritual feelings are with you, Firouz, but your rationale might make some folks uncomfortable. Plus, I love the implicit assumption here:
Why *would* anyone want to remain Jewish? Clearly, some people wouldn’t. Is that bad? Why? Why do the Jewish people *need* to exist? Because God said so or because we’re just perpetuating an endless tale of victimization that must be told and retold? Because the world would be worse without us? Because biologically that’s what we humans do? Because God said so? I think this question needs some answers and I’m not happy that so much money gets spent on this issue without some vision about why.
But more to the point, people DO remain Jewish because it’s OUR culture and OUR religion and OUR food and OUR music, even if it’s just one of many cultural heritages to hold. Why light candles? Because I have fond memories of growing up lighting candles and now it symbolizes family connection. Why go to shul? Because I’ve learned to love some of the people who attend services and the songs are deeply moving. Maybe another religion would be more motivational, but it wouldn’t be mine.
And if Judaism loses relevance and meaning to the point where it dwindles out…well…that’s the fault of religious leaders who won’t adapt, not the people who find it meaningless.
that’s the fault of religious leaders who won’t adapt
Or perhaps those who adapted (if that’s the right word) too much.
em said:
“The frustration comes because for some (many?) people, there are no answers to these questions that are good enough if your mother wasn’t Jewish (even if she converted, still not good enough). And it’s not just that there are standards. It’s that the bar is set basically at the floor if you have two Jewish parents and at the ceiling if you have one Jewish parent.”
I’m copying and pasting this because I think it’s such an important point. For people with two unambiguously Jewish parents, this set of questions…
“What about you is Jewish? What about your culture? Your religion? Your language? Your outlook? Your education? What do you know about Jewish history? Why do you identify with it?”
…never comes up, even though a significant percentage of American Jews can’t answer these questions any better than the much-maligned messianic Jews. (Still less can most Jews in the FSU). But nobody cares, since they have two J parents. Take away the Jewish mother, and all of a sudden everyone starts asking you what you know about Jewish history.
I’m emphatically not advocating for an erosion of all boundaries. I am suggesting, however, that we think much more carefully about why we desire to set these boundaries, particularly when the standards for them seem so arbitrarily enforced.
I am so thrilled that this conversation is happening.
As the organizer of the conference that KFJ is advertising, I strongly encourage all those who are interested–even a little–to contact me. More info here: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#/event.php?eid=97789225999
I want to echo what em said–the low bar/high bar problem. I happen to be matrilineally Jewish and even then I’m either vaguely suspect or people want to just ignore the other set of ideas and identities that I have.
cW, I’m a religious person and I share your feelings about covenant and contract, but let’s be real–most American Jews don’t have a strongly felt sense of obligation and responsibility. This is an appealing standard of “who’s Jewish” (ie who’s called and answering, committed, contractual…) but not one that fits the lived experience of most.
I am suggesting, however, that we think much more carefully about why we desire to set these boundaries
Spice, some would say that we don’t make these boundaries, and shouldn’t attempt to pretend that we do. Who is and who is not Jewish is a matter of being born with a Jewish soul, or receiving one through the conversion process. To some, these boundaries are not an matter of affability or community, they are an issue of truth, real absolute (G-dly) truth.
The reason why some desire to accept these boundaries is that they also accept G-d, the Torah, the prophets, the Great Assembly and two thousand years of Rabbinical Jewish law.
The reasons why some desire not to adhere to these boundaries are less clear, at least to me.
Ultimately a person’s Jewish status is determined by their DNA. ewishness is passed on through the mother. If a person
s mother has Jewish DNA, then that person is a Jew. If not, then they are not. It’s as simple as that. Note that you can’t acquire Jewish DNA through conversion.
“Who is and who is not Jewish is a matter of being born with a Jewish soul, or receiving one through the conversion process.”
That second bit seems to be a matter of some debate.
http://jewschool.com/2009/02/12/15173/this-just-in-fackenheims-grandson-declared-treyf/
I just witnessed a friend go through the conversion process. He finally dunked in the mikki the week before Pesach, after two long years. The local conversion council practically ignored his weekly, then daily phone calls for the last six months.
I don’t know why anyone would want to become a Jew. It’s not merely the process, although that in itself is an ordeal to survive, but that’s for another comment thread. Let’s just say the ones who make the trip get charged full fair and then some, at least from what I’ve seen.
I was raised “Jewnitarian” by a Jewish mother and Catholic-ish father, and though I didn’t go to a Catholic school, I definitely feel like my Catholic grandparents, aunts and uncles, and multitude of Catholic friends also helped to shape my values. I definitely do not subscribe to Catholic theology, nor many of the values about gender and sexuality, but I continue to find that certain Catholic ideas, such as Liberation Theology, resonate deeply. The conference sounds cool, I hope I can make it.
I love liberation theology. It’s funny that Judaism, with our Passover tradition and everything, had to stumble across it after the Catholics invented it.
Thank you, Kung Fu Jew, for posting this.
InterFaithways: Interfaith Family Support Network and Birthright Israel NEXT are please to be cosponsoring this event. Many of these discussions will certainly be a part of our day together. I encourage anyone to whom this applies to attend.
RSVP http://www.birthrightisrael.org/jewsinhues
We have the event listed on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=97789225999
and the flyer can be found at http://www.interfaithways.org/jewsinhues.pdf
I hope to see many of you there!
Dear Friends:
I am pleased to see that this conference for adult children of intermarriage in Philadelphia will be held.
I also invite other adult children and grandchildren of intermarriage to visit the website of my organization, the Half-Jewish Network, at:
http://www.half-jewish.net
We have over 500 members from all over the world, and have a very active message board.
Cordially,
Robin Margolis
My mother was Jewish, but people still tell me I’m “not Jewish” – even though I observe shabbat and keep kosher. My father wasn’t Jewish. This is about clubbiness and some ghetto-based notion of tribal purity. If someone asked me to convert, I have no problem with that. What I do have a problem with is people who think because my father wasn’t a Jew and I have his last name, I can’t be Jewish.
Sara, those people are idiots. If your mother is a Jew, you are a Jew by the most stringent halachic standard there is. Tell those people to get an education before they start shooting their mouth off.
A Reform rabbi told me because I wasn’t raised religiously I wasn’t really Jewish. He seemed pretty well educated to me. The issue of who is or is not a Jew drains me emotionally – it is alienating, frustrating, demoralizing, depressing, humiliating, etc. When I hear people say those of us with only one Jewish parent must earn the privilege and show we are worthy of being Jewish, I wonder what they expect, if they can ever be satisfied – my guess is they can’t; they just want a scapegoat. These are the same people who complain about assimilation and dwindling affiliation. Their loss – I can worship at home for free.
Sara, how is it possible for a Chabadnik like me to be less stringent than a Reform Rabbi? This is basic halacha. If your mother is Jewish, you are a Jew, period, and no one can take that from you. How you are raised is of no consequence.
I made comments recently in other posts about how during my time working with Jews on my old university campus we met Jews who were born and raised Muslim in Saudi Arabia, Baha’i in Iran or thought they were second generation Catholics until they told us their mother’s mother was Jewish. All these are 100% Jews, like any other Jew. If what you say is true, and your mother is Jewish, then you are a Jew, 100%, like any other Jew.
Can you post this Rabbi’s name and contact info here? Or please email it to me at [email protected]
1. Can you post this Rabbi’s name and contact info here?
No one should be posting anyone’s name and contact information here without permission, especially if it’s for a purpose that violates our lashon hara policy.
2. how is it possible for a Chabadnik like me to be less stringent than a Reform Rabbi?
I think you need to reframe your assumption that Reform Judaism is all about being meikil on the mitzvot and Orthodox Judaism is all about being machmir. Reform Judaism is actually stricter than Orthodox/Hareidi Judaism on a number of subjects. See, for example, k’vod haberiot or, sometimes, b’yomo titein s’charo. And if we’re talking about lo yihiyeh l’cha elohim acherim al panai, I’d say that Reform Judaism wins hands down in a machmir contest with the Yechi Chabadniks.
3. This is just a pet peeve, but…………. people……. unless you’re referring to a specific rabbi (e.g., Rabbi Soloveitchik), the word “rabbi” is spelled with a lower case “r”!
A Reform rabbi told me because I wasn’t raised religiously…When I hear people say those of us with only one Jewish parent must earn the privilege and show we are worthy of being Jewish...
I’m not Reform, but I don’t think a Reform rabbi would say you weren’t Jewish just because you only had one Jewish parent. The issue for Reform Judaism, as I understand it, is whether you were raised with a Jewish identity. So maybe the rabbi or her/his message were confused. In either case, I’m really sorry for your awful experiences.
Firouz writes:
Sara, how is it possible for a Chabadnik like me to be less stringent than a Reform Rabbi?
1. So shocking that there’s a Reform rabbi who doesn’t conform to the cartoonish Orthodox stereotype of Reform rabbis! You mean Reform Judaism doesn’t consider leniency to be its defining principle?
2. See this post by ZT for a tabular demonstration that neither the Orthodox standard nor the Reform/Reconstructionist standard is globally more or less stringent.
3. After your comments about the 613 mitzvot and the 7 Noahide laws, I would have expected you to say that saying someone is Jewish isn’t necessarily a leniency.
4. Sure, in this situation you can position yourself as the magnanimous welcoming good-guy, but I somehow doubt you would have the same attitude if the genders of the parents were reversed. And you may consider this gender-based distinction to be objectively important, but it’s of no significance to most people in the wider world.
My point in bringing this up was not to call out the rabbi who said this, nor was it even to convey how upset I was about it (anyone with one Jewish parent of either gender is going to be exposed to Jewish values as well as anti-Jewish bigotry, so it seems pretty insensitive to deny that reality) but that “Half-Jews” with a Jewish father instead of a Jewish mother shouldn’t assume that having a Jewish mother would pave a path of welcome for them in any given Jewish community. That is not the case. In the Reform movement they really only care what you know – and it takes time to gain that kind of knowledge. Unfortunately I have encountered a fair amount of resistance to learning. What angers me most is the attitude that people like us are not entitled to claim our own heritage. It isn’t as though I’m trying to appropriate a culture not my own. I’m trying to become more of what I already am. I would welcome anyone who wanted to convert, and I would support any child of a Jewish father in claiming a Jewish identity if they chose to do so. But I would also argue it is more than a religion, as the Reform movement appears to believe. Whether it should be is a different issue. I’m talking about the way things really are in the real world. Being partly Jewish is not something a person can just ignore or forget about. Nor should they have to.
@Sara:
I’m sorry it seems like you read my comments as denying your reality. I was actually sympathizing with you and saying that any Reform rabbi who dissed you for only having one Jewish parent was just wrong (on many levels). And my saying no one should post someone’s name and contact info on Jewschool was directed at Firouz, who was the one who made that request.
Wishing you good learning and inclusive, compassionate communities.
No, RR, I didn’t mean you were being insensitive. I meant I feel the rabbi’s comments were insensitive (and somewhat irresponsible.) My impression is that is the official Reform position, which I think is unfortunate. I knew you meant Firouz, about naming names. I wouldn’t do that – I am not even comfortable mentioning the incident, which I should probably have gotten over by now…but some things are just not cool. That one comment caused me a lot of grief. He wasn’t “dissing” me, he just said I wasn’t Jewish, and I wanted to kill him. I mean I really wanted to kick his ass down the street. It was a crummy thing to say. But it wasn’t the first time someone’s said something like that to me. I can only hope as I grow in observance and understanding, such incidents will occur less often. Thanks for the good wishes.
Sara, if it was your FATHER who was Jewish, wouldn’t you have appreciated the Reform position?
Amit … why would she feel differently?
The rabbi’s position was that she wasn’t Jewish because she wasn’t raised religiously. She was pretty clear on that in her second comment. So, having a Jewish father and a non-Jewish mother wouldn’t change her status a bit, assuming her upbringing was the same.
That is correct, but she wouldn’t feel *entitled* to being recognized as Jewish as much.
What happened to Firouz?
Also, Sara D: what would you like the position to be? That any person who has a Jewish parent can be Jewish automatically? How about saying you feel Jewish? There has to be a set of criteria, and the reform set seems quite reasonable to me.
Jewish is the same as Latino, or Russian, or gay. Religious definitions only suffice for half the conversation — the other half is a cultural and ethnic matter beyond the jurisdiction of the rabbis.
That is correct, but she wouldn’t feel *entitled* to being recognized as Jewish as much.
So what is it that you think she would appreciate? You think she would appreciate feeling less “entitled”? She would appreciate being excluded under every criteria instead of just some of them?
She would appreciate being shown a way in, not proof that she was already in.
Many ethnic Jews are annoyed by the mere fact that they are not considered to be members of the Jewish faith community.
The problem is that definitions and boundaries are inconsistently applied. The definition of who is a Jew varies from one denomination to the next. Some define it solely by religious observance – others define it as a culture or ethnicity.
I grew up with the belief that because my mother was a Jew, I was a Jew, period. Did she lie to me? According to halacha, I am a Jew. People who say I am not a Jew do not accept the halachic definition. The Reform movement does not accept the halachic definition unless someone was raised as a Jew OR had two Jewish parents. If they had two Jewish parents who never entered a synagogue, they can still walk in and be regarded as fully Jewish – but I can’t. Why is this a problem for me? It dismisses the reality of anti-Jewish bigotry. It also applies a different standard to people with two Jewish parents. It ensures that potential converts will be received without the judgments I encounter about my parents’ apparent failure to raise me religiously.
In a perfect world, everyone would have to convert – no matter who their parents were, whether they had two Jewish parents or no Jewish parents. In a perfect world there would be no anti-Jewish bigotry and we would not be targeted as an ethnic minority. But we’re not there yet.
At the end of the day, what I care about is being received with a helpful, encouraging, supportive attitude instead of being regarded with suspicion and hostility over choices made by my parents forty years ago. If I want to be observant now, shouldn’t religious Jews think of that as a good thing? If not, why not?
And what makes it more complicated and really ticks me off is that I tried to get into a class for women who are converting to Judaism and want to raise their kids as Jews, but they said I couldn’t be in it because my mother was Jewish and they wanted to make it “safe” for converts (even though I wasn’t raised religiously and didn’t know any more about Judaism than any convert at that time) – YET the Reform movement doesn’t consider me to BE a Jew. Which means technically speaking, I am Nothing: neither a Convert nor a Jew. Which means there are no outreach categories for me and there is no place to go. Once you’re “assimilated” it is like being dead. What is fair about that? I didn’t give birth to myself, after all. Contrary to the popular opinion that half-Jewish people can “just convert” – that has not been my experience. If it were that simple, I would have done it by now. In my experience, being half-Jewish is like being pond scum in the Jewish community.
Would you like it if everyone had to convert, if there were no more “born” Jews? If you would not like it, then you can imagine how “half” Jews feel about being judged and excluded.
The Reform movement does not accept the halachic definition unless someone was raised as a Jew OR had two Jewish parents. […] It ensures that potential converts will be received without the judgments I encounter about my parents’ apparent failure to raise me religiously.
“Raised as a Jew” and “raised religiously” are not the same thing.
Would you like it if everyone had to convert, if there were no more “born” Jews?
I think this might actually solve a lot of problems.
So…how was the conference? I’d love to hear a report since I wasn’t able to make it.
And…what does “being raised as Jew” mean anyways, ya’ll?!?? Does my childhood fail since along with celebrating Jewish holidays and identifying as a Jew–heck identifying as the only Jew in my elementary school– I received presents from Santa Clause under a Christmas tree? Does the Reform Movement have some kind of metric system to measure the “Jewishness” of one’s upbringing?
Would you like it if everyone had to convert, if there were no more “born” Jews?
I think this might actually solve a lot of problems.
It might. But having everyone get dunked in the mikveh sounds an awful lot like … that other religion. I don’t see folks going for that anytime soon.
em writes:
But having everyone get dunked in the mikveh sounds an awful lot like … that other religion.
Where do you think they got it?
And…what does “being raised as Jew” mean anyways, ya’ll?!?? Does my childhood fail since along with celebrating Jewish holidays and identifying as a Jew–heck identifying as the only Jew in my elementary school– I received presents from Santa Clause under a Christmas tree? Does the Reform Movement have some kind of metric system to measure the “Jewishness” of one’s upbringing?
Here’s what they said in the Resolution on Patrilineal Descent (first two pages of Google hits didn’t turn up anything different, but if this has changed since 1983, someone please correct it):
The Central Conference of American Rabbis declares that the child of one Jewish parent is under the presumption of Jewish descent. This presumption of the Jewish status of the offspring of any mixed marriage is to be established through appropriate and timely public and formal acts of identification with the Jewish faith and people. The performance of these mitzvot serves to commit those who participate in them, both parent and child, to Jewish life.
Depending on circumstances, mitzvot leading toward a positive and exclusive Jewish identity will include entry into the covenant, acquisition of a Hebrew name, Torah study, Bar/Bat Mitzvah, and Kabbalat Torah (Confirmation). For those beyond childhood claiming Jewish identity, other public acts or declarations may be added or substituted after consultation with their rabbi.
The last sentence seems to indicate there is a way for someone who was raised secular but Jewish to make up for their upbringing as a an adult without actually converting. I’m assuming the principal public act for an adult would be the adult bar or bat mitzvah. It’s pretty vague, but it reads to me like the person who identifies as Jewish should be helped to be Jewish, not just told to go away.
Where do you think they got it?
Oh, I know. I’m just thinking of how people like to say Reform Judaism is Lutheranism without Jesus, and if you start dunking everyone …