Not a girl, not yet a woman?
Over the past year, there have been lots of signs pointing towards a much-needed restructuring of the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism, the organization linking Conservative synagogues in North America. The movement announced the first wave of these changes on Friday. Taking a page from the Reform Movement’s playbook, regions are being replaced with much larger “districts,” and offices are being closed in favor of telecommuting. Word on the street is that while these changes will affect the structure of the adult regions, the USY regions will remain as is for at least a couple of years.
Speaking of USY, the Youth Department got its own restructure, with the formation of a Youth and Young Adult Services department, to be headed by Rich Moline. (Okay, maybe it’s not fair to link to his blog, which only has one post, but it’s certainly an interesting one post to have in light of what’s going on. You might know Rich better as the director of Koach, USCJ’s college outreach program.)
This department will also house Kesharim. Quoting from the USCJ memo announcing these changes:
Kesharim will grow from being a committee that gives grants to new minyanim to offer more resources to people in their 20s and 30s and to new and emergent congregations. Richard Moline, now Koach’s director, will become the director of the new Youth and Young Adult Services department and within the new department Jules Gutin will be associate director for informal youth activities and Rabbi Elyse Winick will be associate director of Koach. Kesharim will be run by six assistant district directors, one in each to-be-formed district, and Mr. Moline will supervise and support them.
With this new structure we will be able to provide Conservative Jewish experiences to our children as they grow to be young adults, so that by the time they have families of their own their understanding of Conservative Judaism and their identity as Conservative Jews will be integral to their understanding of themselves. That is how this movement will grow, through the challenges and engagement of our children and their children.
Sigh.
I don’t know how to say this, so I’ll use small words and a bold font.
We are not children. Please do not treat young adults in their 20s and 30s like children.
Really, I’m at a loss to say much more than this. If the movement is losing members between the time individuals complete USY and the time they have their first child, the answer is not to extend the USY experience right up to the mid-life crisis.
Maybe I’m wrong, and I’ll be pleasantly surprised that one department will be able to offer excellent services to middle-school kids through middle-aged adults. But I’ve been intimately involved with the Movement – and these departments in particular – for about two decades, and nothing I’ve seen encourages me to think differently.
Un frickin believable. From the fact that the same department is giving grants to independent minyanim, you’d think this meant they were aware that many people in their 20s and 30s have founded and run Jewish communities and are thus fully functioning adults with agency, and not less-than-adult people who need to be “programmed” to. If they were smart, they’d look at the substantive elements that people in their 20s and 30s (and many people older than that as well) are looking for (hint: it’s not about socializing with the same age group) and incorporate those elements into multigenerational communities. While they’re at it, they could engage in some self-reflection about why those communities are alienating to people in their 20s and 30s (and many people older than that as well).
To be fair, I should note that this sort of condescension to 20- and 30something adults is not unique to the Conservative movement; the Reform movement was a trailblazer in this field.
But at least they didn’t say “young professionals”.
It’s pretty clear that they see this move as trying to stem the outflow from conservative branded institutions. Their grants to Indy minyans and this new dept to service 20/30 somethings have nothing to do with fostering exciting Jewish community, but are about getting a piece of the Indy minyan pie to put the conservative lable on. It almost says as much in the press release quoted above. Oy. They are trying so hard and just barking up the wrong tree. Well, I guess it’s better than being ignored.
BZ, where did psychotic site come from? I’ve never seen that? Did someone think that was clever design? I’m throwing up a little bit in my mouth clicking around it.
David-
It’s from the URJ, though maybe they’ve retired it now. Very Poochie, isn’t it?
So what is the answer? I don’t mean to imply that your critique is out of place–I actually think you’re right on target. But I am extremely curious about what a community that was inclusive of and/or provided appropriate services to the 20-30 crowd would look like. I’m a college senior, and have found that many of my recently graduated friends struggle to find a Jewish community that “fits”. After a summer of shul-shopping with one such friend in a new city, I can identify some of the problems: young adult minyanim tend to be limited in their programming/scope, and distinctly transitional–in space, in leadership, in membership–which can be less than ideal for an already uncertain life stage. Traditional synagogues are almost entirely bereft of young adults, and often offer little that resonates with our life experience. Do you have a solution? What would an ideal community look like? Is your community great? Why?
I get worn out every time I read one of these posts; start thinking about my three years in “offical” organizing capacity. As KFJ wrote a little while back, (paraphrasing) your money will not save you, but love (and I’ll add, truth) will, what a concept! The idea of “Jewish programming” needs to be ditched altogether. It’s either a top down, let’s hire a highly paid polling firm to tell us what you want and then develop a clever business model marketing campaign (ala Hillel keychains circa 2004) to brand ourselves properly, or a top down we don’t really care what you want, here’s what you need to be doing (even though we won’t hold ourselves to the same standard).
My local Hillel (is it really mine?) just inaugurated a new building. I haven’t been there in years, and I’m way out of their “business model” to be anything but a donor these days. When I went, it was the same 8-10 people who came twice a week, out of 600 Jews on campus (by their own numbers). Now they opened a $2 mil brand new building, and what do you know, it’s still 8-10 people who come twice a week, out of 600 Jews on campus. But the business model was flawless! And the projections were bulletproof! And the branding was in sync! What’s a Jewish programming professional in charge of Hillel to do? Of course, we can’t let them fail, so the answer is always the same… (drum roll please) “we need more resources”. If you set up a system where someone is not allowed to fail, they won’t.
Best of all, we have a large Catholic university in town (maybe 15,000 students, Jewish population of 10-20), and a state university (30,000 students, Jewish population 600). Seems like a simple allocation of resources, right? Hillel tables at the Catholic university 3 times a week, because the Catholic university pays them to do it (through segregated student fees). The state university gets one tabling A MONTH! Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
I’ve come to see the positive side of things, though. Hillel, my local Federation and all the affiliated agencies employ dozens if not hundreds of Jews who otherwise have no real marketable skills. If you think about it, they’re kind of like a communal safety net for Jewish polisci and art majors.
Mika writes:
I’ve come to see the positive side of things, though. Hillel, my local Federation and all the affiliated agencies employ dozens if not hundreds of Jews…
“Some have joked that the Jewish community’s real continuity plan is to hire everyone.”
Can’t wait for the RH or YK sermon bound to happen in my Conservative shul where the 6 figure paid rabbi puffs his chest about what wonderful things the movement is doing by going ahead with the heksher tzedek. Maybe next year we can focus on the inequality in how little the Conservative clergy do to bring in and keep dues paying members when compared to the value provided by the $10 an hour pre school and day school teachers who don’t get benefits anywhere near the demands the heksher tzedek is demanding of kosher food companies. Please focus on this issue Rabbi Wernick. This is a huge symptom of the hypocrisy going on within the Conservative movement today. This is a strong reason why there is no passion within the movement today. Whoever cares even a little about social action causes would never trust their Conservative clergy with anything of real substance. Today’s Conservative clergy just does anything to keep those nice paychecks coming in while doing nothing to do accomplish healing the real pay and benefits injustices happening to support staff in Conservative Jewish institutions today and have been occurring for years and years.
@Sarah, could you speak more to young adult minyanim tend to be limited in their programming/scope, and distinctly transitional–in space, in leadership, in membership–which can be less than ideal for an already uncertain life stage. ? I’ve been involved in indie minyans for many years, but I’m not sure what you mean by “traditional” here, especially “leadership” and “membership.”
TWJ-
She said “transitional”, not “traditional”.
TWJ – I don’t think Sarah is talking about indie minyanim; I think she’s talking about “young adult minyanim” organized by synagogues.
Sarah – you don’t like what you see? Start your own thing!
So what is the answer? I don’t mean to imply that your critique is out of place–I actually think you’re right on target. But I am extremely curious about what a community that was inclusive of and/or provided appropriate services to the 20-30 crowd would look like.
If I were on a board of a synagogue or something, I would suggest that the best place to start would be with interesting, communal learning initiatives. Something like the DC Beit Midrash. It’s not age-specific, it has real meat to it, it’s something that may work better for a synagogue than an underfunded indie group (since the synagogue has, or can justify buying, a lot of texts), and it can get people to participate without being talked down to or “programmed at”. As a bonus, the people planning the programming might actually want to participate in it, and therefore might start referring to the participants, the people in their elusive target demographic, with the word “we” rather than “they”.
And that’s just one idea. I’m sure there are other good ones.
Desh writes: If I were on a board of a synagogue or something, I would suggest that the best place to start would be with interesting, communal learning initiatives.
I am on the board of a largish (about 730 members) synagogue–and in my 30’s–so I appreciate a suggestion like this. I would love to hear ideas from the rest of you as well.
Other things that I have been pushing for: having Shabbat morning services be more particapatory and less dominated by the families of the bar or bat mitzvah, and suggesting that there be some kind of matching for people hosting home Shabbat meals and those looking for a place to have Shabbat meals. I would love to hear if Jewschoolers think that those are worthy goals…
The best way to figure out what any population of people wants? ASK THEM. Its all in the conversations.
Yes, some people will fall into the category of the Passover Seder’s child who does not know how to ask for the kind of Jewish experience they are looking for- but that just means the work is harder, not that the conversations shouldnt take place.
Guidelines include:
(1) success isnt defined in numbers. small gatherings that people enjoy are successful. This bothers institutional synagogues, because so often success is defined as “something that will lead to fuller pews”
(2) I think the Conservative Movement will have a harder time with this, because they are so prone to engaging in this blind logic that always leads to the result “what you need is conservative judaism!”
The logic often goes something like: “reform is full of godless heathens, orthodoxy is full of ignorant extremists. Since you don’t want to be godless, heathen, ignorant or an extremist- you must want to be a Conservative Jew! see you at our services this week!
Or it follow Shorsch’s infamous logic:(http://www.urielheilman.com/0211beyonddogma.html) “if its successful, and it might fall under the umbrella of an acceptable conservative practice- then it must be Conservative Judaism!”
Seems to me that this program plays on some of the same logical pitfalls.
The logic often goes something like: “reform is full of godless heathens, orthodoxy is full of ignorant extremists. Since you don’t want to be godless, heathen, ignorant or an extremist- you must want to be a Conservative Jew! see you at our services this week!
My question is, why did this logic work as long as it did?
having Shabbat morning services be more particapatory and less dominated by the families of the bar or bat mitzvah
To me, that’s a given. Hearing services led by the same cantor every week is not something I’m interested in, and the only thing that’s worse than that is hearing services led by someone I don’t know and who’s never done it before every week. I won’t even attend a shul if most weeks are b’nai mitzvah. And I don’t know why anyone else would either, if their goal in coming to services is to daven.
Participatory services are key…but if we’re only talking about Shabbat, then that only addresses the problem for 1 day, or a few hours, per week. What about the rest of the time?
@BZ you’re right, of course. I wonder who trained me to jump all over the word “traditional” so quickly?!
OMG BZ that URJ website is burning my eyes out. Like, I’m totally ROTFL. ; )
Other things that I have been pushing for: having Shabbat morning services be more particapatory and less dominated by the families of the bar or bat mitzvah, and suggesting that there be some kind of matching for people hosting home Shabbat meals and those looking for a place to have Shabbat meals.
If the Bar/t mitzvah families like this- then why change it? why does every event have to cater to everyone? Why not just have an alternate service? Have these 20s-30s even been expressing their interest in a prayer experience? Do you have any idea what these people would want in a service?
part of the problem with top-down programming is this: the synagogue is not asking what its constituents want. There are probably a lot of things jewschool readers could recommend, and posting suggestions is a great idea. But before you start programming, keep in mind that you wont know what the people in your shul want until you ask them in some way.
MS writes:
If the Bar/t mitzvah families like this- then why change it? why does every event have to cater to everyone? Why not just have an alternate service?
I agree. I don’t think any possible synthesis between the preferences of the bar/t mitzvah families and everyone else would be better for either group than just having two separate services. (I say this both as someone who is usually in the “everyone else” and as someone who occasionally goes to relatives’ bar/t mitzvahs.)
Have these 20s-30s even been expressing their interest in a prayer experience?
Not just expressing interest, but creating it, all over the country.
MS, that only works if you assume your current constituency is your total, ideal constituency. If the goal is to expand your community to include previously unheard voices, asking your members what they want won’t help you reach that goal.
MS–you are absolutely right about asking people what they want, which is why we sent out a Survey-Monkey survey to the membership a couple of weeks ago. I have a meeting about that tomorrow…. We did actually start an alternative service last year, but it ended up feeling divisive to many of the people who attended it–they actually do want to help welcome the 13-year-old into the community. Plus, I feel it is healthier (for the adolescent and the community both) to not have the bar/bat mitzvah gain the impression that the service is only about him or her.
However, dlevy is also right…since there aren’t that many people in their 20’s and 30’s in the membership, they won’t be getting the survey. Hence me seeking advice here. Many of you here aren’t shy about all the faults of the synagogue–now please suggest ways to make it better.
RuthB – I would suggest checking out Ron Wolfson’s book The Spirituality of Welcoming. Although it doesn’t focus specifically on any one demographic, the book provides a lot of concrete, practical ways that congregations can make all members and potential-members feel comfortable in their communities. Young people aren’t so different from older people. We want people to talk to us at kiddush, we want someone to notice when we’re there, and when we’re not (in a non-judgmental way). We want sincere invitations to communal events, including Shabbat or holiday meals (particularly if we’re new to a community, or living far from family). We want opportunities to be involved in leadership (not “young leadership” – just leadership) so we can help create the communities we belong to. Etc. etc.
Incidentally, it’s worth reporting that Rich Moline e-mailed me this morning to continue this conversation. I plan on taking him up on the offer, and will encourage him to follow the comments here, so for those with constructive ideas, please do post. And I would add, I think there are things that a movement can do in this area that individual congregations can’t. For example, when I graduated from college, I moved across the country. Imagine if my Hillel rabbi had reached out to his colleague in my new hometown and encouraged the rabbi to invite me to a service/program/etc that she knew would be meaningful to me based on her conversation with my Hillel rabbi… Suddenly, I don’t have to search for a way in to the Jewish community in my new town – the Movement has already created a welcoming opening for me…)
i am in this demographic, in this movement, a Jewish communal professional, and feeling further and further removed from congregation life and more and more getting Jewish community from service-learning initiatives and Limmud programs. (BTW, I was challenged recently to come with a name from this cohort because I rejected Young Professionals and Next Generation … after much focus-group/interviewing we came up with GenConnect).
at dlevy’s request, expanding on comments made to him via other channels, an interfaith perspective. It sounds like the organizational parallels are quite strong (even if the theological ones may be less so), so I hope this is of interest:
The unitarian universalist org structure has been defining “young adults” as 18-35 for several years, and a lot of folks have bemoaned this (presumably monolithic) demographic’s lack of participation in the denomination. There have been a lot of “outreach” efforts targeted at this age group, and attempts at “alternative” services that someone, somewhere, thinks will be more “meaningful”.
Many of us working/studying/parenting _adults_ in our 20s and 30 have found this attitude patronizing and alienating. I, for one, deeply resented the idea that I needed to be “programmed to” or that, even though I’d been working full-time for several years, I somehow had more in common with a college sophomore than other adults.
It was (and still is) particularly frustrating to hear people talking about our lack of participation, when many of us do participate in congregational governance, serve on committees, or teach religious ed classes – and this service is often made more challenging by the “lets meet at noon on thursdays” attitudes of the stay-at-home parents and retirees that dominate some of the congregational programming.
I liked the suggestions in the comments above of non-age-targeted efforts (*gasp* “young” adults are kind of the same as _other_ adults) that offer more varieties of experiences – and would add that, in my UU congregation, non-religious activities such as service projects and even _wine tastings_ created openings for people who were not finding resonance in regular services to connect with other _people_ in the congregation and feel included and valued.
dlevy’s suggestion of more active fostering of intercongregational connections for people in transition is also a great suggestion for retaining individuals of all ages. I (now almost aged out of this demographic) recently moved from Ann Arbor, where we had a dynamic and engaging new minister that was bringing in new (young and old) people in droves – and she actively helped me to connect directly with the new minister at the congregation I’ve been exploring in Minneapolis, which helped me feel much more at home, sooner.
(BTW, I was challenged recently to come with a name from this cohort because I rejected Young Professionals and Next Generation … after much focus-group/interviewing we came up with GenConnect).
What does “GenConnect” even mean? How about you call them “people”?
dlevy writes:
Young people aren’t so different from older people. We want people to talk to us at kiddush, we want someone to notice when we’re there, and when we’re not (in a non-judgmental way).
But we want people to talk to us and notice us as people, not as “Wow, it’s so nice to see some young people here this week!”.
This past Shabbat my wife and I went to a synagogue where we had never been before, and found people to be exceptionally friendly. Since I had never been there before, there’s no way to do a controlled experiment, but I found myself wondering afterwards: was this because it was a particularly friendly community (which is certainly very possible), or because I’m now going to have an entirely different experience of the organized Jewish community (much like Eddie Murphy passing as white for a day) now that it was my first time going to synagogue as a married man?
Interesting thread, and one that hits home to me.
I’ve been in the US Army for 8 years, and have rarely been anywhere that had a full-time Jewish Chaplain.
Basically what we’ve had to do is create indie minyans, sanctioned by the army and the jewish chaplains council in the form of layled chapel programs, of which I’ve served as a layleader for both stateside and in a combat deployed environment.
The hardest part is catering to all. Due to our unique situation as Soldiers, we almost all fit into this 18-30 age group, and vary from single, married, male, female, privates, sergeants, lieutenants, captains, etc. We all come from different backgrounds. We have members who are strict othrodox, conservative, reform, non-practicing Jews who want to get closer to their history, and non-Jews interested in what Jews *ARE*.
Fortunately, I’ve been given the freedom by the command chaplains office to pretty much “program” how I feel necessary.
The best program I’ve been a part of was the Jewish community of Bagram Air Base, Afghanistan. We met twice a week, Friday nights and Saturday morning for Shabbos services, mostly because our schedules and the chapel schedule didn’t allow for a daily minyan. We davened, ate kosher MRE’s, sang songs, and generally had a good time. We studied after davening on Saturday, using whatever texts and internet printouts we could find. We didn’t have much in the way of resources, but we did with what we could.
How does this tie into the overall theme of this thread? As said before, The “movements” need to TALK to us, not make committees and reorganize departments. They need a dedicated group of 18-30 year olds to head up a department that oversees programs for 18-30 year olds. I grew up a USY kid, and for what it was worth, it was PERFECT for me at that time. We need some sort of programming (not a youth group) that is targeted. USCJ has USY for teens, Koach for college kids, but what about the rest? Not all Jews go to college (I didn’t) and I have felt left out since the day I graduated high school. It also doesn’t help that I move to new towns every 4 years, but with an all inclusive program, I’m sure I’d feel “welcome” everywhere I go.
For that matter, I’d like to see someone reach out to the military Jews. The Chaplain’s council is a reactive organization, doesn’t take initiave to provide ANYTHING without being asked. Aleph Insitute provides books and “holiday packages”, and that’s great, but I want to see an organization that will get involved with Jewish military communities, give guidance, assist with “programming” ideas, and makes alll Jewish servicemembers feel like a group, not just servicemembers at a particular base.
*end random stream of consciousness*
Alex, we should talk, I’ve been wanting to do something like this for US servicemembers for a long time. Leave a comment on my blog – http://biqoret.wordpress.com.
GenConnect?
We call high school students “high school students.” We call college students “college students.” Why not call people in their 20s and 20s “people in their 20s and 30s?”
As said before, The “movements” need to TALK to us, not make committees and reorganize departments.
Yeah, but as said before, that’s hard if we’re not already coming to movement activities. If an individual shul asks people who already come to things what they want, then they’re only surveying a self-selected group. And if a (for example) Conservative synagogue’s board tries to go out and ask other “young” people not coming to the synagogue what sort of programming would get them to come, those other people aren’t under any obligation to consider the question. The natural answer might be, “I have no interest in coming to your shul or any Conservative shul, regardless of what you do.” (This may or may not be actually true: the person might be interested in going to some hypothetical awesome program at some Conservative shul, but the idea of this program might not occur to them, and as I said, they’re under no obligation to try to think of it.)
To some extent, if we’re a target demographic and a given institution isn’t serving us at all, they have to just take a wild guess as to what might work. (Or, apparently, they can come and ask us by leaving a comment on Jewschool…)
I think the biggest issue is that the movement needs to stop thinking in age cohorts. It needs to stop thinking about married vs single. It needs to stop thinking about whether each person considers her or himself affiliated with the Conservative movement. What I want in a Jewish community didn’t radically change after I got married and it didn’t radically change after I had a child (though my interest in youth education has increased).
I want a community that supports someone at my level of observance. I want a community that is in a walkable area that is close to my work and mass transit. I want it to be heavily participatory where the goal of the professional staff is to help bring the members ideas to fruition and not to create “programming” from on high. I want the membership to have major roles in leading and organizing all parts of the services. When non-members enter the synagogue with an idea for a Jewish event, I want the synagogue to try to figure out how to help and support. (Some might call this young adult outreach, but it should simply be outreach)
Creating age cohorts hides this consistency of what people want. The 20-30 cohort became the 20-35 cohort and then the 20-40 cohort and it will keep growing. All creating a cohort name does is to make it easier to ignore that group. (i.e. “Our community has some young adult programming so we don’t need to think about them when planning X”)
As an aside, my interests and those of many other aging people explain one reason why the number of Conservative synagogues are decreasing. The movement jumped head first into suburbia and abandoned many cities. I know one rabbi who was the head of one of two remaining Conservative synagogues in a large city. The congregation was shrinking, but in reasonable shape. The RA placement director offered to find him a new pulpit in the last 60’s (maybe early 70’s) because the director said it was inevitable that a congregation in a city would die. As more people are moving back into cities and fewer into car dependent suburbs, many of those congregations will die. Perhaps the movement can strike a better city/suburb balance now, but panicking about a few suburban synagogues dying helps no one.
As for USCJ, I think it needs to rethink it’s focus. It is a union of synagogues where the primary goal is to support congregations who pay membership dues. I think it should be a united synagogue that tries to unite and support Jews whose interests fit the organization’s mission. It needs to get closer to my above goal of having professionals support the ideas of others. It needs to do this more directly and not always work through synagogues. Incidentally, a more diverse range of programming might also create openings for other income streams. With good leadership changes and some good hires, perhaps USCJ could start a Jewish community consulting business. They already offer some of these services to affiliated congregations and, in the cases where the people are intelligent and useful, they can bring in additional value. This would build communities and perhaps make future USCJ affiliated synagogues.
I could probably write more, but this is long enough for now.
dlevy–“The Spirituality of Welcoming” is a good idea. In fact, Wolfson’s book was given to our entire board last year, and a non-business dinner meeting was dedicated for its discussion. We’ve even implemented some ‘low-hanging fruit’ ideas as a result.
I couldn’t agree with all of you more that the focus should be on what is just plain important, and not on what we speculate this group or that group wants. That being said, I just read the results and comments of the survery that we sent out to our congregational email list, and what people would define as important varies tremendously. Sadly (to me anyway), the dominant theme of the responses was that it’s most important for the professional clergy and 13 year-olds to lead services.
The good news is that 90% of the respondants felt welcome at services.
Thanks for the feedback so far….
Ruth-
You might also want o look at this book just written by Elie Kaunfer, one of the founders of Hadar: http://www.amazon.com/Empowered-Judaism-Independent-Minyanim-Communities/dp/1580234127/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253045016&sr=8-1
(though it hasnt been released yet)
I could be wrong here, but from experience, I don’t think too many people in their 20s-30s are looking for non-Orthodox prayer services beyond RH and YK. You could do anything, I’m guessing people will not show. Many Orthodox communities are actually doing quite well here folks. I think Halacha does a pretty good job of trumping “what the people (claim) to want.” That comment by Desh about “a service led by a different person every week” was pretty good. At 26 I get to lead Orthodox services fairly often. I’ve been known to rush though, especially on weekdays. That’s one reason I cut down on attendance at that time. Cantors are dying out in Orthodoxy folks, the laity is taking over. If Conservatism continues, perhaps cantors will disappear there as well? Who knows…
Aharon writes:
I could be wrong here, but from experience, I don’t think too many people in their 20s-30s are looking for non-Orthodox prayer services beyond RH and YK. You could do anything, I’m guessing people will not show.
The success of new independent minyanim/havurot, which involve thousands of people in their 20s-30s, demonstrates that you are very wrong.
Aharon, you have no clue what you’re talking about!
Seriously, Aharon, you’ve been living under a rock. I’m tired of the “Orthodox is the way to go” business. When people decide they’re not into “Orthodox”, then they give up on Jewish entirely. And people do decide that.
People who want to davven will davven. People who don’t, won’t. It’s not such a big deal. Unless of course there are all these organizations built around what is essentially a arbitrary decision.
And where did Desh say what you said he said?
Aharon-
Desh was referring specifically to people half your age.
Yeah. I have no problem with services led by a different person every week, if there’s a healthy mix of experienced leaders, people who are becoming experienced leaders, and the occasional (or slightly-more-than-occasional) new leader who’s trying out something new in a healthy, nurturing community. That’s quite different than the worst of the bar mitzvah factories, where a steady stream of 13 year olds leads part of services….once, never to set foot on the bimah again. Or at least not until they get to Hillel. (Or, if they’re not leading services, then it’s just the same cantor every week.)
At my shul (large, urban, modern Orthodox), we have a big group of 20-year-olds — mostly newly married, in professional schools, starting families, transient — and a decent number of 30-year-olds. We’ve been trending in the opposite direction — there’s been quite a call for more 20/30s programming. We had our first “young professionals” minyan last week, a grassroots effort organized by young folks.
As a 28-year-old myself, I’ve generally felt comfortable in the main minyan — “young” folks frequently daven, leyn, get aliyot — but it’s nice to have a cozier, smaller minyan/kiddush where it’s easy to meet people of a similar age. Since many of us have very young children, it’s also nice to have a minyan that’s easier to move in and out of when parenting needs arise.
I’m a VP and co-chair of our programming committee… over the past three years our committee has gotten much younger. While our big-ticket holiday events remain family-focused, we frequently plan events that are appealing to singles and young couples, but we never close off participation to other age groups. If a 50-year-old wants to come out on a Sunday night for a kosher wine-and-cheese tasting, all the better. We also plan events specifically for established members to meet new members, and vice versa. Once you get settled in a community, it’s easy to stop trying to meet new people, so we make more opportunities available — Shabbat afternoon desserts-in-the-park, casual get-togethers at members’ homes around town, etc. Our online form for requesting invitations to Shabbat and yom tov meals has also been a great boon for visitors and new arrivals (myself included).
Looking forward to comparing notes with others.
We had our first “young professionals” minyan last week, a grassroots effort organized by young folks.
Why “professionals”?
BZ: I’m not in love with the phrase myself. “20s & 30s” is too cumbersome, “young couples” excludes singles and families. I’ll gladly pass along any better ideas!
“20s & 30s” is the same number of syllables as “young professionals”, and many fewer keystrokes.
If there are parents in the shul, why not make the shul more accessable to “parenting needs”? Why send the message that “real services” in the “real shul” (or better: “sanctuary”) excludes people who need to take kids outside sometimes?
Something my last shul did that I really liked was Date Night Shabbat, once a month or once every other month, where they provided child care during the service. Okay, the name is kind of cheesy, but it was really nice to know that we could go together and not have one of us spend 3/4 of the service out in the hallway with the kid and go to the real grown-up service instead of tot shabbat. They’d also do a wine and cheese pre-oneg (not just for the parents, for everyone) that night, which was nice because with a real young one, we didn’t feel like we could linger afterward.
em, why not have all the parents take turns caring for the kids?
Hi, Amit– We all bring our children into the main shul… no problem there. But during the sh’moneh esrei and other critical moments it’s more difficult to shuffle out when a child is disruptive because the room is so much bigger, especially on those days when I’m the primary care parent. No one has yet shared with me any feelings of inadequacy or disenfranchisement by not being in the big room. By and large, our age group seems to prefer a more expeditious minyan with fewer interruptions, especially judging by the popularity of our secondary chazan-free RH/YK minyan.
Em– Fortunately, our shul has Shabbos “groups” for children 3 and up led by teens in the B’nei Akiva program so that both parents can attend the main minyan. We also have a 7AM hashkama minyan– typically my wife davens there (she’s a doctor, used to the early AM start) while I watch our son, then I daven at the later minyan while she watches him or he goes to groups.
Providing childcare during the yamim noraim has also been a big hit… this year, we’re offering it for free to attendees, and we have over 50 children signed up.
em – is “Date Night Shabbat” a comfortable atmosphere for single people?
is “Date Night Shabbat” a comfortable atmosphere for single people?
To the extent that anything at this shul was, yes. This was a fairly large, institutional synagogue (if that’s not redundant) that I’m not sure I would have ended up at if my son wasn’t in the preschool (I loved their preschool) and that had the (stereo)typical older demographic, especially on Friday nights. There certainly were single people there every week, but it was mostly older couples who had long since outgrown the need for childcare.
I would say I saw about the same number of people and about the same people there on “Date Night” as on any other Friday night. I would guess that on average there would be 8-10 couples taking advantage of the childcare out of 50 or 60 people there, and about half the parents using the childcare would have been there anyway with their kids.
I assume what you’re concerned about is the divisive potential in the marketing, not the idea of having someone (whether other parents in turn or high school kids who worked in the preschool) watch the kids. I think they tended to market their targeted programming to the intended audience (reminders that childcare was available that week would be in our kids’ cubbies at preschool) while treating it like any other Shabbat to the community as a whole.
why not have all the parents take turns caring for the kids?
This is an interesting question for me right now. I mean, the short answer is sure, that’d work great too, but I’ve recently moved and I’m shul shopping and I’ve been thinking a lot about what worked for me and what didn’t and what I want out of the whole thing. And your question had me thinking quite a bit about making things easy and the risk of treating Judaism like a service to be consumed vs. being an active participant of whom something is expected.
The metaphor of “shul shopping” is a very problematic one for me. It assumes there will always be shuls vying for my purse and all I need to do is choose one which will cater to me. That’s what alot of people do in cities with large amounts of synagogues, like Jerusalem.
THen one day you wake up and see you have no community and you stop going to shul altogether because nobody there is your friend. I think its important to find a place to pray and stick with it. I mean, look around for one you like, of course, but try to find that one, pay your dues, join the steering committee at some point, etc.
It doesn’t help, of course, that the fees are prohibitive and the buildings large and cavernous. (BTW- RE: Kids, Pews are stupid and are hard for kids to navigate; if you’re renovating, change the pews to chairs. That way you can also move them around for dancing, different schemes of segregation (mechitza/ trichitza/ nochitza)and also navigate between them quickly.
Also, childcare in the states means there’s a non-Jewish person not going to shul (so no loss – unless they’re into it); here it means one less fifteen-year-old member at shul.
I think its important to find a place to pray and stick with it. I mean, look around for one you like, of course, but try to find that one, pay your dues, join the steering committee at some point, etc.
I don’t disagree. In some ways, the better metaphor for what I’m doing now might be dating. Like I said in my response to David, I ended up at the last place because my son was in the preschool, and I saw a lot of advantages to sticking with one place for everything. But I also don’t think it was the best fit for us. Since I’ve moved anyway, and I need to find a new place anyway, I’m taking my time and trying them all out more than once.
Pews are stupid and are hard for kids to navigate.
They are stupid. But my beef is that they are alarmingly easy for kids to navigate (under the pews to the other side of the room) and hard for parents to navigate in pursuit of the kids. They travel in a straight line down the middle and we’re stuck going the long way around and somehow getting past other people to the middle before the kids take off again. Probably what I need is a shul where people will feel comfortable grabbing my kid and holding him for me until I get there. Or chairs.
It took us about a year before we were socially comfortable in our shul. In that year, we joined a committee, and a slew of new people our age arrived — both big helps.
I think the pews we have are a good compromise. There are individual upholstered seats that fold back, and no arm rests between them. When folded up, it’s easy to stand, bow, let others through, etc. Additionally, the pews aren’t permanently bolted to the ground, so we can slide them around for Simchas Torah dancing or hoshanot.
Here’s a link — http://furniture.lavi.co.il/LAVI//2/155/1212.aspx (“pew without armrest” + “with bookrack”)