Welp, apparently no one’s reading Jewschool, cuz I’ve been asked why I haven’t posted anything about the talking fish about a dozen times now.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it’s true… A New Square chosid claims that a fish spoke end-time prophecies to him in the holy tongue, and people are flipping for this story like salmon on a boatdeck.

The Guardian reports, “many believe the carp was channelling the troubled soul of a revered community elder who recently died.” In Judaism, the concept of reincarnation exists, but it suggests that when one dies, whatever portion of themselves (or their soul) did not fulfill its earthly duties, will be reincarnated into a lesser being to complete its goal. Jews often believe people are reincarnated as fish. The idea is that someone will catch the fish, say a blessing on it and eat it, thus elevating that portion of the soul to olam haba, “the world to come.”

But this whole Hebrew talking thing seems just a little fishy to me. It reminds me of that ridiculous Big Mouth Billy Bass (as seen on TV). God that thing’s annoying. You know you can hack those things and teach ’em to talk Hebrew, right?

Oy, what’s next? Talking gefilte fish?