Identity, Politics, Religion

Chabad & Reform have it out

In the last issue of Reform Judaism Magazine, R. Eric Yoffie, the president of the URJ, cited Chabad’s willingness to celebrate the Bar/Bat Mitzvah of any Jewish child as problematic:

Reform, Conservative, and Orthodox synagogues routinely require families that want their child to have a bar/bat mitzvah to meet certain requirements—the son or daughter must attend religious school for a year or more, and the parents must commit themselves to study and congregational worship. The reason is clear: absent Torah learning and familial involvement, the bar mitzvah will be without meaning, an excuse for a party. Chabad centers, however, generally provide a bar mitzah service with few, if any, requirements. Chabad says that no child should be denied a bar mitzvah, and the family—which is usually unaffiliated—may be drawn later into Jewish life. Perhaps. More likely, the lesson is that Judaism is not a serious endeavor and that even the most significant milestones require only a modicum of commitment.

Now what R. Yoffie fails to mention is the reality that many families end their memberships at their local Reform synagogues as soon as their youngest child has celebrated their Bar Mitzvah. IMO, if a child becomes Bar/Bat Mitzvah, and then disassociates him/herself from the Jewish community, that means that the children have learned nothing about what it means to be a son/daughter of the Mitzvot. Synagogues requiring students to study for a number of years prior to “allowing” them to celebrate seems to me at least a little bit financially motivated.
In an editorial on Lubavitch.com, Chana Silberstein takes R. Yoffie to task:

To be sure, he is correct that Chabad downplays the importance of bar-mitzvah preparation when considering their long-term educational goals. In a recent survey of directors of Chabad Hebrew Schools, only 11 respondents selected “preparing kids for bar mitzvah” as their most important goal.

What Yoffie fails to consider is that Chabad’s willingness to offer all children a bar mitzvah stems not from lowering of religious standards, but from a refusal to make children the pawns in a game of institutional extortion.

The reason most temples demand certain requirements be met before allowing children to be bar mitzvahed has nothing to do with standards—and everything to do with increasing synagogue revenue. The present system of front-loading fees such as synagogue membership and building fund, while creating an economic base for synagogue operations, discourages many Jews from getting involved.
Thus, many American Jews affiliate with synagogues only because they believe that if they do not, their child will not be able to become a bar mitzvah. In effect, the children are forced to pay the price for the failure of congregations to give their members a reason to want to join of their own volition. And so the kids become hostages. Parents are told that unless they ante up, their children will be denied this most significant of milestones. Some parents pay the ransom. Others leave the temple in disgust.
There are no entrance requirements to becoming fully-functioning, responsible, and active members of the Jewish community.
But it is not the party that makes the child a bar mitzvah, nor even the chanting of the haftorah to the doting approval of family and friends. Just as the child of a Jewish mother is automatically conferred with Jewishness at birth, as soon as a girl turns twelve or a boy turns thirteen, they automatically assume the responsibility for the performance of mitzvot—and this fact alone is sufficient reason to warrant celebration. To mislead children—and their parents—into thinking that there are “standards they must meet” before they can become full-fledged members of the community is to promulgate a self-serving falsehood.
A woman who was suddenly widowed came to us distraught because her very angry son refused to take any bar mitzvah lessons. She had spent years involving herself in his Jewish education, and was devastated at the thought that he would miss this religious milestone. She was relieved when we told her that her son did not need to do anything but show up in shul on the day of his Hebrew birthday. Disarmed, the child agreed to come to shul. My husband helped him recite the brachah when he was called up for his aliyah. Afterwards, there was plenty of singing and dancing and rejoicing—and more than a few wet eyes. And the child who had spent a year raging at G-d left the synagogue feeling like he belonged.

The thing that has always bothered me most about the Reform movement (where I grew up and taught) has been the financial side – the costs for families to join the synagogue, the large sums of money sent by the synagogues to the URJ, and what seemed to me to be a movement more concerned with perpetuating its continued existence than with the yiddishkeit of its members. I’m with Chabad on this one.
tip to JTA

42 thoughts on “Chabad & Reform have it out

  1. Weeeeeeeeeeeel, yes and no.
    I am a proponent of making Judaism more economically accessible, and things should be cheap and/or free for those who need them.
    BUT (and this is a longwinded but):
    1. Chabad is not a community. it is a missionary church which doesn’t believe in cultural diversity and wants to make everyone chabad.
    2. Chabad is not free. It gives people food and shul in exchange for donations and, worse, souls.
    3. In a society where “money talks” it doesn’t make sense that the only thing in life which is free is Judaism. People value things with price tags.
    4. Bar Mitzvas *are not* rights. They are ceremonies celebrating Jewish education and maturity, and not everyone has to have them. THe URJ is justified in setting standards for them, and chabad is just demonstrating its cultural imperialism again, since it believes anyone not chabad doesn’t stand a chance anyway, so why try.

  2. First of all, I have to rebut the former reply in which the author portrays Chabad as a “missionary church which doesn’t believe in cultural diversity and wants to make everyone chabad.” The fact is Chabad is succeeding where almost every other American Jewish organization is failing right now, and that is to entice Jews to be Jewish. And although some may perceive this as “missionary,” it is probably the most important task (and goal) of the American Jewish community today. In addition, I believe Chabad is the one Jewish organization that tries to make everyone feel welcome.
    This is of course the effort of the all accepting bar mitzvah. As a Jewish educator, I have worked in both Reform and Conservative congregational schools and have seen the bar mitvah in many lights. The fact is, synagogues and Jewish organizations throughout the US are working to alter their requirements in response to their communities’ dissatisfaction with current practices. I believe congregations need to redefine their requirements for bar/bat mitzvot if there is any hope in keeping young people interested in Judaism following this important ceremony. For too many Jewish kids, bar/bat mitzvah study becomes something the parents “had to do” and thus something they “must do” while neither child nor parent ever truly understand the meaning of the event. And this is no way to keep our youth interested.

  3. As someone who attends a weekly Torah study class with a Chabad Rabbi, and who attends the occasional service there, but who is not a Chabadnick, I must say I find them the most open religious group in Judaism. Yes they have an agenda, they’d undoubtedly like everyone to be totally observant, and even better be members of Chabad (in the same manner that Reform Rabbis would like every Jew to believe in Reform precepts and be a member of his/her temple). If you believe in your interpretation of Judaism it would be weird not to hope others held the same.
    But Chabad does, in contrast to the rest of Judaism, have a totally open, accessible manner that allows all Jews to participate in Jewish practice: and for no fee. You perform one mitvah – great; two – even better. The contrast with Reform, Conservative and tradition Orthodoxy is striking – and speaks in favour of Chabad. It’s the greatest resource the Jewish community possesses – long may they continue.

  4. Wow. I have to commend the bravery of both the Chabad and Reform authors for attemtping to shecht a very sacred cow within the Jewish community.
    As pure and altruistic as the Chabad position sounds (and I am actually firmly onside with the intent, if not exactly fully in agreement with the execution) let’s be fair about this. The Chabadniks are very much hoping that you will become baal teshuvah and come back to Torah…and you will hopefully do it with their shul. At the very least, you will feel enough of a mensch to donate something following the bar mitzvah ceremony (notice the Chabad author makes specific reference to bar mitzvahs? I did.) and hey, who knows…maybe you’ll become a member in future.
    The Reform (and many other movements…I am a council member of a Masorti shul in England) prefer to make sure you pay up front and so will refuse bar/bat mitzvah unless you are a member etc. etc. Again, let’s be fair…we structure the argument around wishing to ensure that the child receives a proper Jewish education, but that’s not the whole story now is it? The Chabadnik is attacking a very well known but little discussed truth…that most of the major movements are, at present, out of fresh ideas which will entice members to join. Threatening to not bar/bat mitzvah your child (or burial, another sacred bahama) is a socially acceptable form of extortion that I have never been fully comfortable with.
    We should seek to remove any and all barriers to the entrances for those who wish to perform mitzvot (the ‘no ticket no seat’ argument for the High Holidays could also fit neatly here).
    Yes, I know that we need dosh to keep our shuls running. But is this as creative as we can get?

  5. From Jewish Virtual Library:

    A Jewish boy automatically becomes a Bar Mitzvah upon reaching the age of 13 years. No ceremony is needed to confer these rights and obligations. The popular bar mitzvah ceremony is not required, and does not fulfill any commandment.

    The main difference, as I see it, is that the Reform synagogues I’ve experienced place Bar Mitzvah at the center of Jewish life. Chabad, rightly so, sees preparing children for Bar Mitzvah as a minor part of their educational agenda (as they explain in the article).
    I certainly don’t agree with Chabad about everything, nor do I think that every Jew should become Chabad, but if you have a child who is about to be 13 and you decide you want to get involved in Judaism, it seems to me that the communal gate-keepers should do what they can to welcome, not to tell parents their 7th grader will have to start in the 5th grade class if the family wants to celebrate a rite of passage that happens with or without acknowledgment.

  6. Fascinating. They’re both right.
    Reform is right to say that one should arrive at the moment of Bar Mitzvah having acquired a fair amount of Jewish Knowledge.
    Chabad is right to acknowledge that that moment should be a point of entry into Jewish life, and not be treated as a terminal degree.
    What can Reform do? One thought that occurs is that the Bar/Bat Mitzvah should receive a gift of membership from the Synagogue until they are 18. Not their families, mind you, THEM. This means that if the parent wishes to withdraw from Jewish Life, but the child wishes to remain engaged, the child has a channel to do so.
    The problem is also the Parents’ attitude – the Bar Mitzvah celebration does not mark the start of the child’s adult Jewish Life, but is rather the point at which parents can say to their friends and family “I’ve met my obligation as a Jewish Parent, I got him Bar-Mitzvahed. Aren’t I a good Jew?” And then, they’re done doing Jewish at home. And if the kid gets snapped up by NCSY, they’re oh so troubled that their home isn’t Kosher enough, or if the kid brings home Cristina to wed, it’s a shanda.

  7. My parents could not afford the cost of membership dues or Hebrew school in the Reform synagogue in our Philadelphia Suburb in the late 1960’s. The process for being granted sliding scale was humiliating. My father refused to stand before a committee with his stack of income reports and wait to be deemed “worthy” of consideration for reduced cost dues and such. He taught me a powerful lesson: that communal Judiasm was for rich people.
    We moved to the west coast and I came to communal Judaism in my 30’s, on my own, to see what I’d missed. Portland’s a very different place to be Jewish: Yes, there’s the money element, that’s everywhere in the Jewish world. But in a town where sustainability is hip and people pay more attention to avoiding the pitfalls of rampant consumerism, I can be an observant Jew and still live a dressed-down, simple, lower-income life.
    I celebrated my Bat Mitzvah as a 37-year-old, in a class with other adults who’d studied together for a year. I finished college and went to grad school back east to study Jewish education and music. After a semester of not fitting in, I was taken aside by my music advisor and told: “This whole sustainability thing is great, I appreciate your concern for the environment and all; but by this time next year you need to drive a car, professionalize your wardrobe and move out to the suburbs where the Jewish community is. Your life needs to resemble the lives of those you wish to serve.” It was the best advice anyone at the school had given me. I realized I did not want to serve a bunch of wealthy white suburbanites who were worried about how cool their kid’s Bar Mitzvah party would be. Not only did I not fit in, I didn’t want to. I quit grad school, moved back to Portland and lived happily ever after.
    I am involved in our local Reconstructionist havurah and live a simple, quiet life surrounded by family and friends. Occasionally I cross paths with our local Chabad folks, some of the nicest and friendliest people in our Jewish community, and among the few who don’t judge me for living simply, refusing to own a car, or earning less money. No, I wouldn’t join their ranks (and if they knew more about me they wouldn’t have me anyway), but I don’t think they’re “the enemy” or anything. Other branches of our Jewish family tree could take a tip from Chabad about their love of Judaism and their acceptance of Jews of every stripe.

  8. What no one wants to mention vis-a-vis Chabad is that (and I quote Dr. David Berger, the Chair of Jewish Studies of Yeshiva College) “a large majority of Lubavitch hasidim believe that the Rebbe is the Messiah while a very substantial number believe that he is pure divinity. …It would have been self-evident to all loyal Jews before our orphaned generation that both of these beliefs contradict fundamental doctrines of Orthodox Judaism. In the case of the second belief, we are dealing with full fledged avodah zarah.” Harumph!
    And let us not also forget to mention that despite Chabad’s “effectiveness” in reaching out and accepting one and all, they are utter reactionaries on matters of gender, GLBT issues, and the Israeli-Palestinian conflict…
    So… yes, they do love Judaism (well, at least their Sabbatean brand) and they do love Jews (with acceptance being the first stage of assimilation into the Borg) … but then what? I shudder to think…

  9. DrDan – then what – perhaps observant Jews. Does that make you shudder? And speaking of Borgs, ever try to express a conservative point of view on a college campus or among media friends or on the upper West side of NY or in West Los Angeles – you’ll never see the Borgs unite faster to throw the intruder out as a fool who has been taken in by the Moron Bush!

  10. Wow, in this case I actually agree with Chabad too! Not with Chabad itself (and I agree with all the negative things that have been said about Chabad in the comment thread), but with the content of this editorial.
    Chabad’s motives aren’t necessarily any more pure. Reform and Chabad are both following the same general strategy — using bar mitzvah (which for some reason is popular among American Jews who aren’t otherwise Jewishly involved) as a hook to entice 13-year-olds and their families to join their communities. But they’re using different tactics: Chabad is using the carrot and Reform is using the stick. And for what? Rabbi Yoffie says that “absent Torah learning and familial involvement, the bar mitzvah will be without meaning, an excuse for a party.” He’s deluding himself if he thinks that the typical bar mitzvah (even with the prescribed preparation) is anything different. In the short term, this may inflate synagogue membership, but in the long term, it does damage to Jewish community by framing congregational membership as a fee-for-service transaction.
    As Silberstein points out, any Jew becomes bar/bat mitzvah automatically upon reaching the appropriate age. I don’t see why anyone should be denied recognition of that, as long as this consists of being called up for an aliyah and not much more. There are always plenty of aliyot to give out. I don’t think any 13-year-old should have the right to take over an entire Shabbat morning (in a congregation large enough that not everyone knows each other), regardless of how many years of Hebrew school s/he has had. That is, the whole bar/bat mitzvah needs to be retooled.

  11. Shannon writes:
    First of all, I have to rebut the former reply in which the author portrays Chabad as a “missionary church which doesn’t believe in cultural diversity and wants to make everyone chabad.” The fact is Chabad is succeeding where almost every other American Jewish organization is failing right now, and that is to entice Jews to be Jewish.
    There is nothing contradictory about these two statements. L’havdil, this is like those who said “How can you say that Gafni is a sex offender? He’s such a great teacher!”

  12. I have a related chabad comment, in response to those who say that chabad want people to be “observant Jews” and “baalei tshuva”. This is not true. Chabad have an equation in which chabad=Judaism. In this vein, they stated in a recent high holiday leaflet that:
    “îðäâ éùøàì ìùìåç îëúáéí åì÷áì áøëä îï äøáé ùìéè”à áòøá éåí
    äëéôåøéí”.
    it is a Jewish custom to send letters and receive blessings from the rebbe, may he live long, on Yom Kippur eve
    “ðåäâéí ìäëøéæ ìôðé äú÷éòåú àú äëøæú ääîìëä: éçé àãåððå îåøðå åøáðå îìê äîùéç ìùåìí åòã”
    It is customary to annouce the ‘coronation declaration’ before shofar blowing: long live our master, teacher and Rabbi, the King Messiah forever and ever (in principio et nunc et semper et in saecula saeculorum Amen).
    Its not a question of money at all. Its the question of how to oust Chabad from Jewish American life. And if this means that the reform movement will have to rethink fundraising strategies, then so be it.

  13. Amit writes:
    “îðäâ éùøàì ìùìåç îëúáéí åì÷áì áøëä îï äøáé ùìéè”à áòøá éåí
    äëéôåøéí”.
    it is a Jewish custom to send letters and receive blessings from the rebbe, may he live long, on Yom Kippur eve
    “ðåäâéí ìäëøéæ ìôðé äú÷éòåú àú äëøæú ääîìëä: éçé àãåððå îåøðå åøáðå îìê äîùéç ìùåìí åòã”
    It is customary to annouce the ‘coronation declaration’ before shofar blowing: long live our master, teacher and Rabbi, the King Messiah forever and ever (in principio et nunc et semper et in saecula saeculorum Amen).

    But, but, that’s how open Chabad is — even if you don’t personally observe those two mitzvot (yet), they’ll still welcome you!

  14. Amit,
    You quoted in hebrew some ridiculous statements from a source that your do not know or are unwilling to cite and use that as a criticism of Chabad.
    If you cannot come up with a criticism more substantial than that you are a dumbass. Your premise is completely not true. A small number of Chabaniks maintain some strange perspectives and disturbing customs, but to paint with such a wide brush is wrong.
    Oh and good luck ousting Chabad from American Jewish life and while your at it can you define American Jewish life?

  15. Amit said “Chabad is a missionary church”
    What does that mean, why do you say that and do you really think that?
    I imagine if you can publicly make such statements you have an arsenal of “proofs” and “facts” validating your point.
    Why do you harbor such hatred for Chabad – did you have a bad experience as a child? Did a Chabad kid rudely ask you to put on Teffilin on a City Street?
    I like Chabad. But I dont HATE any Jewish denomination, I disagree with some of their positions etc.
    I think you need help.

  16. We live far from Chabad and reform is the “only game in town”. If we want our kids to have any Jewish friends or youth group, than reform is it.( no, we can’t move to a closer in observant community due to job and home/financial reasons). So what to do? We loathe the shul near us.It borders on J4J and the Judaism is a watered down version. We started to go to a chabad class as my dad has gone for years. I was scared that I would be looked down upon. I was scared I was not “Jewish enough”. But I was so wrong. The Rabbi and everyone I met could not have been more welcoming. When I make mistake on observance, they don’t chastise me, they just teach me. In my 2 years of going to Chabad I have learned so much. No one has ever preached the Rebbe is the messiah at all. But I think the Rebbe did have excellent teachings and thoughts.
    Rabbi Yoffee should listen to what our dear Chabad Rabbi taught us…”labels are for shirts”. Why does Yoffee feel the need to bad mouth Chabad every few months? Is the competition getting to him? The Chabad lady is right in her rebuttal.Although we no longer go to anything at the reform shul, we are held hostage as our shul made it a law that parents MUST be members for kids to be board members of youth group!So we have to pay dues to keep kids in youth group.
    I taught Bar Mitzvah Hebrew for ages as a volunteer ( never paid). The saddest comment I ever heard was from a mom. I was telling her how great her child was doing.She laughed and said ” Oh who cares about all that Hebrew…I am just worried about the party”. I walked off. Most people leave the shul after Bar Mitzvah anyway.
    I have many Reform friends so I am not at all against any other “sect”. Several of my favorite Rabbis are from refrom shuls.I am against Rabbi Yoffee always picking on Chabad though. I am also against reform Judaism thinking they need to speak for me..ie their “we are agaisnt the war” statement. No thanks…yea…and I am pro life too!And stop inviting Jimmah Cahter to speak!
    Interesting post..

  17. I share some of the distaste for Chabad that others have expressed, but that isn’t the issue here. This is, notwithstanding Rabbi Yoffie’s prettying-up defense, an issue of money and of the nature of two different models of Jewish organization.
    Chabad makes ends meet through (a) internal fundraising, (b) inducing many of its members to devote their lives to being shlihim and running Chabad centers and houses, and (c) critically, attracting donations from people who aren’t inclined to be full members of a Chabad community but believe that Chabad does good. They don’t have to charge people membership dues, and they attract donations in large part _precisely_ because of a soul-saving mission that would actually be hindered if they charged dues.
    Synagogues have a different organizational and financial model. They are set up to be membership organizations, even (ideally) communities. (Chabad is not this kind of organization — the people who donate to, or who daven at, Chabad do not become _members._) Synagogues make ends meet largely through dues, supplemented by voluntary additional contributions, mainly from their members. (This isn’t easy, as I can testify based on long-time shul board service.) Also, bnei mitzva observances are major shul events, in which, without turning the service over to the family, the shul gives them a significant presence — in our shul, they’re allotted several (though not all) aliyot in addition to the bar/bat mitzva him/herself, the kid presents a dvar torah in addition reading haftara and (usually) some of the Torah reading, and the shul presents the kid with several gifts. We don’t have more than one on a single Shabbat. Why should we accord this kind of recognition, or this allocation of our resources, to someone who is not willing to become a member of our community?
    With respect to education, Silberstein and Rabbi Yoffie are both wrong. Both of them seem to see educational prerequisites for bnei mitzva observances as based on the theory that no child can become bar/bat mitzva (or, no child should celebrate becoming bar/bat mitzva) if he/she hasn’t had this education. Rabbi Yoffie seems to agree with this theory, and Silberstein disagrees with it, but they both seem to see this as the premise for such requirements. Our shul does require bnei mitzva to meet certain educational requirements and to master certain skills. However, our reason is not that one can’t be a bar/bat mitzva without the education. (In fact, I never had a bar mitzva observance, as my family belonged to a shul that had eliminated such observances.) Instead, we impose this requirement in order to ensure that our member families obtain such an education for their kids.

  18. Tarfon, if they “obtain” such education, and find it lacking in spirit and meaning, and thus drop out at 13 (this is the general pattern), I’m not sure their receiving it has done any good.

  19. “But Chabad does, in contrast to the rest of Judaism, have a totally open, accessible manner that allows all Jews to participate in Jewish practice: and for no fee.”
    I must forcefully disagree. during my time at Chabad I spent years listening to the never ending gay/black/asian bashing. Trying to be orthodox and queer was one of the hardest things I foolhardly tried to do during my life. Listening to that Garbage every weekend was toxic. The very reason I walked into Chabad was because I was disgusted that I had to pay 160 Dollars to go to Shul
    While Chabad might not charge for High Holiday Services, the emotional damage they render on many people is not worth the free price of admission.

  20. tarfon writes:
    Also, bnei mitzva observances are major shul events, in which, without turning the service over to the family, the shul gives them a significant presence — in our shul, they’re allotted several (though not all) aliyot in addition to the bar/bat mitzva him/herself, the kid presents a dvar torah in addition reading haftara and (usually) some of the Torah reading, and the shul presents the kid with several gifts. We don’t have more than one on a single Shabbat. Why should we accord this kind of recognition, or this allocation of our resources, to someone who is not willing to become a member of our community?
    So there’s the problem. I don’t think this kind of recognition should be accorded even to someone who is a member of the community.

  21. Merliner, as to the source of the quote (not that it would help you)
    Shana shel ge’ula (Tze’irei agudat Chabad: Kfar Chabad, 2007)
    Are you happy now?

  22. amit and bz:
    v’ahavta l’reyacha kamocha. R’ Akiva omer zeh klal gadol ba’Torah. (and you shall love your fellow like your self. Rabbi Akiva says “this is a great premise of (in) the Torah”)
    Hillel omer: d’alach sani, l’chaverecha lo tavid. zehu kol ha’Torah, v’idach pirusha. (Hillel says “what is hateful to you, do not to your friend. this is the entire Torah; the rest is explanation”.
    you may disagree with chabad but you may not hate them.
    your arguments lose their validity when you write hateful things.
    moshiach now! (whoever he might be)

  23. 1. I don’t want Moshiach Now, whoever he or she may be.
    2. I don’t think telling the truth is bad.
    3. I don’t think chabad are øòê or çáøéê.
    4. If I were an idolater, I’d understand other people telling me off for it.

  24. Chorus of the Apes: Plainly, the skill set, and the magnitude of the Jewish schooling, that we’ve set as requirements for a bar/bat mitzva do not constitute a solid Jewish education. However, we make substantial efforts to retain kids post-BM, and have had reasonable success in doing so (even aside from the substantial number of kids who attend day schools). But in any event, surely some schooling and some skill set are better than none.
    BZ: Why? I made clear that we don’t turn over the service to the family — our Shabbat service remains our Shabbat service, and members unconnected with the simha have aliyot. It’s one thing to acknowledge that one becomes bar/bat mitzva even without a formal observance (and I did acknowledge that, and noted that I’m one who had no such observance); it’s another to say that the community should not celebrate when one of its members reaches the age of Jewish responsibility.

  25. Wow. I can’t believe I actually agree with something put out by Chabad.
    At the ritual committee of our shul, we studied the halacha (such as there is) about bar mitzva (which would presumably also apply to egalitarian bat mitzva as well), and I don’t recall anything about the educational attainment of the person. I mean when you turn 13 (or 12 if you’re a girl), you are bar (or bat) miztva, and you’re entitled to an aliyah. End of discussion.
    Sure, the more you do (especially in terms of giving a d’var Torah, which is the reason for the festive meal) the better. But at minimum, the only requirement is age.
    I actually think that the non-Orthodox congregations are missing an opportunity to make money without actually appearing as self-servingly mercenary as they do with the current system: Provide the opportunity for a non-affiliated family to have the ceremony at a fair and reasonable cost, perhaps separate from the regular congregation without any other commitments. So if you’re a member of the shul, you get the ceremony in the regular service with some nice words from the rabbi & president and the gifts from the Sisterhood and men’s Club, whereas if you don’t want to affiliate, you can rent the social hall, and ark, torah scroll, siddurim, etc. and perhaps the services of a Hebrew School teacher of other knowledegable congregant to be the shaliach tzibur, or if the family members have the skills, it could eve be a do-it-yourself project, like a ritual bare-boat charter. For minimal cost, the shul can make some easy money on the side, and the family feels like they’re paying for reasonable services, not being caught in an extortionist scam.
    In fact the whole idea of the Jewish world being sustained by membership organizations organized on the country club model seems silly. No wonder so many Jews don’t affiliate. While the Reform and Conservative and other movements shouldn’t disband their shuls, I wonder if they could actually have a far greater impact on the Jewish people by also devoting some resources to serving people who don’t want to join shuls?

  26. Conservative Apikoris, I think that’s exactly what the movements are trying – without too much success – to prevent. A bar mitzva is nothing but an indicator, and they use it as a way to “force” parents into giving kids Jewish educations, becuase they know the parents won’t do it any other way.
    Now, I know its not working all that well, but making it something you can rent a shul for and a guy to run the service makes it just sillier. Ask the Israelis who host secular families in their shuls for bar mitzvas.

  27. Amit:
    Your not wanting Moshiach now makes your relationship to any strain of Torah Judaism very clear. It also makes your criticisms of Chabad utterly irrelevant, at least for me. This is not to say I don’t agree with a few of your points – it just means that obviously you don’t like the idea of somebody trying to get you to return to the faith of your ancestors when you reject that faith so wholly.
    I daven at a Chabad shul. I am not Chabad, nor do I have any intention of being so. My rabbi is very clear on that and has no problem with it whatsoever. He obviously would like me (and all Jews) to be Torah observant. I am, and I want the same thing for all Jews. He would probably like it if all Jews were Chasidim, although he certainly would never reject the idea that misnagdim (a term he rejects except as a matter of describing non-Chasidic orthodox Jews) are legitimately Torah observant. I suppose other people’s mileage may vary, but I just don’t see what the fuss is about. Spend some time with Chabad and you’ll see that the idea that their Rebbe ZTzL is Moshiach is not a mainstream opinion, at least not among the shluchim.
    Furthermore, so what if they think that? Obviously the Elokists are totally avoda zara but the Lubavitcher Rebbe was one of the greatest sages of the generation and has done more to bring Jews back in to observance than anyone I can think of. So Chabad is less than eager to let go of him. If he was my Rebbe, I suspect I would be too. Give them time to come to terms with it instead of writing them off. When they say that every Jew should accept him as Moshiach or whatever, then I’ll worry.

  28. Yoel, you have to understand that this Amit has beef with Chabad because her/his nephew got Mekareved through Chabad and he/she is can’t get over it.

  29. tarfon writes:
    But in any event, surely some schooling and some skill set are better than none.
    This isn’t self-evident to me, if the primary effect of this schooling will be to turn someone off to Judaism later in life, and to convey the idea that Judaism is about learning by rote in a language that one doesn’t understand.
    BZ: Why? I made clear that we don’t turn over the service to the family — our Shabbat service remains our Shabbat service, and members unconnected with the simha have aliyot.
    This is certainly an improvement over bar/bat mitzvahs in many places. But if I’m going to Shabbat morning services somewhere, I don’t want to have to sit through multiple speeches (from the rabbi, the congregational president, the sisterhood president, etc.) about a 13-year-old I don’t know; I just want to pray. If it’s a 13-year-old I know, then it’s fine — that’s why I included the caveat “in a congregation large enough that not everyone knows each other”.

  30. I couldn’t agree less with Rabbi Yaffee’s conclusion that
    “we should protest when Chabad, or anyone else, becomes a purveyor of Jewish minimalism, lowering educational standards for our children and community.”
    Chabad obviously approaches things differently then the Reform movement. However, if I wanted to find a maximalist approach I would certainly pick Chabad over Reform. I think one goal of all movements should be to encourage unaffiliated Jews to get involved in any of the movements, not necessarily our own, and that each of our particular movements is not necessarily the right place for any particular family for any number of possible reasons.
    When it comes to Conservative practices that I have observed (since that is my choice of affiliation) I think we should be “demanding” and are not demanding enough. I find it quite hypocritical that too many times the family goes off to a trief restaurant for a party on the very Shabbat of the Bar or Bat Mitzvah. At times there have even been buses waiting at the shul to pick up the kids after Saturday morning services. I think we should have more in the way of manditory synagogue attendance both before and after the event. But let’s face it, in addition to the principles involved there are financial aspects and synagogue membership with dues paid is essential for the survival or many congregations. Therefore we seek a balance between requiring things — paid up dues, attendance at Hebrew school (with accompanying tuition), along with education but not “too much” in the way of committment to behavioral expectations which may drive dues paying members away.
    In this regard there is an interesting article by George Hanus in the World Jewish DIgest
    http://www.worldjewishdigest.com/ME2/Default.asp
    He claims that synagogue Hebrew Schools are “The Great American Jewish Placebo” and don’t work and concludes
    “All parents must decide for their families how they want to Jewishly educate their children. It is a very personal decision. However, there are tens of thousands of young Jewish families who want to attend Jewish day schools, but the tuition costs are economic barriers to entry. This is outrageous. Torah education was never meant to be only for the rich.
    It is time that the Jewish community demand an adoption of policies that constitute an effective resolution of the crisis. We must clearly articulate that it is each Jewish community’s absolute responsibility to fund universal Jewish day school education for all of our children, irrespective of a child’s stream of religious affiliation or family’s financial resources. If the existing Federations are unable or unwilling to adopt and implement this policy, then it is incumbent on each Jewish community to start independent fundraising initiatives that focus entirely on Jewish day school education.”
    Rabbi Yaffee — will you say Amen to that?
    RLeeSmith

  31. Rivka writes:
    We loathe the shul near us.It borders on J4J and the Judaism is a watered down version.
    What does “borders on” mean? Either it believes in Jesus as the messiah or it doesn’t. If it does, then it is J4J, and if it doesn’t, then that’s a nasty and slanderous accusation no matter how much you loathe it.

  32. Faulty assumptions in Hanus’s article:
    1) The purpose of Jewish education is so that Jews will marry other Jews (rather than the other way around).
    2) Jew-free public schools are good for the Jews.
    3) Correlation equals causation. (I.e. the families who currently send their kids to day schools are otherwise completely identical in every respect to the families who currently send their kids to Hebrew schools, and several decades of handwringing about how day schools are the only way to get a decent Jewish education haven’t contributed at all to any sample bias, nosiree.)
    4) Since the current Hebrew school system sucks in many ways that Hanus has outlined, we can conclude that any conceivable system of after-school Jewish education must share the same flaws.
    5) The financial structure of Hebrew school is completely unchangeable, yet funding for universal day school education is an aspiration for the Jewish community.

  33. Your not wanting Moshiach now makes your relationship to any strain of Torah Judaism very clear.
    “Torah Judaism”, as expressed in the Talmud, midrash, and rishonim is very clear that those who “mechashev the ketz” — who obsess too much about the Messianic era, the person of Mashiach, and even (chas veshalom) try to hurry it along themselves — have no place in Olam haBa.
    “Torah Judaism” does enjoin each Jew to recognize that rescue & redemption are possible every day, but that’s a *very* different thing from “wanting moshiach now”.

  34. chillul who?:
    surely you are full of crap.
    but i’m glad that you are the spokesman for Torah true judaism and can tell us what its all about. (here i’m being sarcastic of course)
    now,
    go pick up a Ramba”m (a true Torah authority) and read what he says about the matter.
    “and even though he tarrys i will await his coming every day”.
    and if i’m not mistaken it is also he who says that you must view the world like a scale. one more deed can tip it. yes, my friend, we do everything we can to hasten his arrival, may it be NOW!

  35. Jacob–
    The 13 principles are only one of Rambam’s voices– he is quite different, in say, Moreh Nevukhim (Guide to the Perplexed).
    And Rambam is one of many Jewish voices out there– the idea that one shouldn’t “mechashev et haketz” is another.

  36. I’m surprised this thread came back up after a month of downtime, but let’s be clear again.
    “Af al pi sheyitmame’a im kol zeh achakeh lo bechol yom sheyavo” means “Even though he is slow to arrive, I will wait for his arrival every day” — not “I demand his arrival each day ON that day”, but that each day I continue to believe in his coming.
    And as for the Rambam’s famous quote about seeing oneself and the world as being on the balance between good and evil, look it up in Hilchot Teshuvah, perek 3, where the context is obvious. He’s talking about Aseret Yemei Teshuvah and about repentance, not about eschatology.
    And the only reason I’m taking to time to clarify this issue for the readers of Jewschool is because up above someone was accused of having no legitimacy to speak about Judaism just because they didn’t hold by the particular, sectarian, unique, approach to the concept of Bi’at haMashiach that is advocated by Chabad.

  37. Amit is plainly ignornat:
    1. Chabad is not a “missionary church” that doesn’t believe in cultural diversity; it welcomes all cultures and wants to make all Jews in practicing Jews
    2. “Chabad is not free”. Of course it’s not. Chabad emissaries have to eat and feed their children. It charges for food except when somebody sponsors an event, like kiddush at any shul, to build a community like any shul does.
    3. “People value things with price tags”; no, they value things that have meaning to them, free or not.
    4. “Bar Mitzvas *are not* rights. They are ceremonies…” – They are NOT ceremonies. With or without a ceremony, a child becomes a Bar Mitzvah at 13. It’s the parent’s responsibility to prepare a child for LIVING a Jewish like, not making Judaism a demographic artifact. Chabad supports that when other synagogues do a poor job of that.

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