The Hebrew Institute of Riverdale describe themselves as Open Orthodox, which means Tolerant and Nice and so on, so when they said did I want to come and speak about me-and-my-stuff between mincha and maariv on Shabbat, I said yes. Then I got there, and I haven’t been so scared in a long time. It was very strange. I normally anticipate such affairs quite happily.
HIR is where I generally go on Friday nights, I’ll start by saying. It’s a nice place, friendly space, I’m comfortable there, I like to think I’m part of the community. The clergy are the sweetest people in the whole world, and the congregants aren’t far behind.
However, I’m not usually there in a professional capacity. Coming to Orthodox space in my professional role as Jen the Soferet reminded me that this is a space where I am more liable than usual to encounter hostility because I am a woman. It’s sad but true that what hostility I encounter comes from the Orthodox world – by no means are all Orthodoxim hostile, and I don’t suppose any of the people at HIR hate me, but to a degree Orthodoxy is Orthodoxy, and emotions don’t always listen to intellect.
I got there Shabbat afternoon for mincha, and the way the space is divided – mechitza, solid wooden fence, right down the centre – hit me, smack. Suddenly it was giving me a more compelling message than usual. It was making Men’s Space and Women’s Space, and saying, You are Other. You must stay over There. Your Otherness is such that we must make a fence. I was Other. Very powerfully, compellingly, Other.
When they have talks between mincha and maariv, any women in the women’s section come over into the men’s section – that’s where most people in the room already are. So, having gone into the other space, I looked at the people assembled, and there was this sea of men in suits. Perhaps four or five women amongst them, but mostly, men. Lots. And. Lots. Of. Men. Feeling out of place? I felt out of place. Not part of the group, not even remotely.
I wasn’t even there to talk about controversial stuff, either, I was attempting to convey how it is that being me, and delighting in life, results in what I do. And I was so scared because I felt so out of place and Other and liable to be rejected.
Of course, they were all very nice and it was perfectly fine, just as I’d known it would be. But it was an unexpected and startling experience, which I am sharing. I will not attempt to draw general conclusions from a single data point, but it is perhaps worth thinking about the messages we send as groups, and the messages we hear as individuals.
x-posting to Hatam Soferet