INJEWCON: The Cat's Out of the Bag

Wooha! I’ve always wanted to know how to get down with the Elders of Zion. Now you can sign up on their website! Fresh!
Beyond membership in the grand illuminati of Jewish cabals, the International Jewish Conspiracy—or INJEWCON, as they’re called—also offers some revised Protocols for the new millenium. Of course, being a Williamsburg resident, I curse them for this one:

Protocol CCCXLIV: The Eighties Revival
By exercise of influence in the “rag trade,” INJEWCON expects to revive the clothing of the 1980s. Not only will wearing only one glove cause great physical discomfort to the goyim, it is expected that the unattractive fashions will lead to a decline in the marriage rate, thereby undermining the “traditional” family. Dozens of unnecessary zippers on pants and jackets will leave most goys groping for untold minutes to find their change or house keys, and the constant rattling noise of excess buckles will let caballing Members know when a fashionable goy is near. Many older gentiles will have a sudden impression of being surrounded by Eurotrash; the ensuing panic will allow the International Jewish Conspiracy to tighten its grip on the entertainment and deli industries around the globe.
By joint resolution, Duran Duran will be encouraged to continue their revival tour. Says singer and long-term IJC member Simon LeBon (né Lebonski), “It’s a mitzvah!”

Equal parts Mel Brooks and Robert Anton Wilson, INJEWCON also has the digs on what to do if you are, in fact, a giant lizard (a notion purported by conspiracy nuts such as David Icke), as well as advice from Uncle ZOG (ie., Zionist Occupational Government), to answer “Your Questions About Life, Love, and the Global Cabal.”
Totally hysterical! Wish I’d thought of it myself. At least now when people talk about the International Jewish Conspiracy, I can honestly say I’m in on it, and thus rock my Jewschool conspiracy shirt proudly! Speaking of which, I have to go manipulate the strings of global finance now. If you’ll excuse me…

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