Culture, Israel, Mishegas

Jewish people, listen for Rael speaks!

Guest post by Jimmy Johnson.
Yet another note from the best listserve I was ever involuntarily signed up for. The last one was about the orgy for universal peace and harmony to be held in Tel Aviv [editor’s note: link added]. Can we doubt the word of Rael? Of course not. He wrote, after all, this book! (Though how he’s going to get five dead people into a government these days is a bit of a pickle…)
Subject: Rael reveals ultimate message of Yahweh to Jews – “The only acceptable Zionism is a Palestinian Zionism.”
LAS VEGAS, April 16 – Rael, founder and leader of the International Raelian Movement, recently proposed a one-state solution for Palestine in which Jews and Palestinians would combine resources to create a powerful, wealthy state forged from brotherhood and love. He said today that the need to achieve that goal has become especially urgent.
“On April 12, the fourth full day of Pessah (Passover), I received a message from Yahweh, the leader of the Elohim, the extraterrestrial scientists who created all forms of life on Earth,” Rael said in an official statement released this morning. “This message from the Elohim, our creators, was directed to the Jewish people.”
Rael said that although the first messages he transmitted from the Elohim years ago reminded Jews to return to IsRael, the new one reprimands them, saying they were not meant to steal the Palestinians’ property and massacre them.
“The message says they were to be both Zionists and Palestinians – that they were to return and unite in love with the people living there, who are genetically their brothers,” Rael said. “By combining their knowledge and resources with those of the local population, they could have created a rich, unified state that would have set an example for the entire world. That was their sacred mission. Instead, they robbed the Palestinian people, taking their property and forcing them into exile. And they have even driven them into concentration camps, where they recently massacred them in Gaza. Yahweh said these actions have transformed the Chosen People into criminals who have created a racist, violent state that He compared to a cancer in humanity because it despises life and the rights of non-Jews.”
Rael said Yahweh told him that because many Jews have betrayed the mission assigned them by the Elohim, that of guiding humanity toward more love, tolerance and consciousness and less violence, that the state they created has been condemned.
“Yahweh said the violent, monstrous state of IsRael will vanish quickly, and that Jews who try to preserve it will no longer be part of the Chosen People,” Rael said. “He warned that unless they immediately start working toward a unified Palestinian state and renounce racist Zionism, they will be dispersed in an unremitting Diaspora lasting seven generations.
“Those who opposed crimes against humanity perpetrated by the currently racist state of IsRael, including the recent genocide in Gaza, will still be part of the Chosen People, retaining their right to Judaity,” Rael said, adding that Yahweh has given them new instructions. “They’re to start working toward Palestinian Zionism – a state where Muslims, Christians and Jews can live together in harmony with equal rights,” he said. “They must help prepare the construction of the Third Temple, the Embassy of the Elohim. And they must welcome my return as Yahweh’s son and Last Messenger of Our Creators, who will bring centuries of peace on Earth with their return.”
Rael said messages brought from the Elohim by previous prophets gave recipients centuries to accomplish things.
“This new message from Yahweh gives them only several years at most – and it could be just a matter of months,” he said. “They have not a moment to waste.”

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