In what could become an explosive move with wide-ranging repercussions a joint panel of Conservative and Orthodox Rabbis today announced that they would not marry Metrosexuals. Claiming that Metrosexuality was immoral and explicitly banned by Leviticus their spokesman, Rabbi Dov Meir Schneir Wessenglass (Conservative, Flushing) assertively countered the notion that civil rights were being denied. “Look,” he said, “It is has become quite apparent that metrosexuality is not G-d’s will for men. Men are designed to look schlompie, to have bad taste in décor and cook atrociously. Otherwise, why would they need to get married?”

More on this and other roughly entertaining satire in The NY Blueprint.