Shanah tovah, matey!

Here at Jewschool, we have covered many calendrical confluences, from the total lunar eclipse on Purim to Birkat Hachamah on Erev Pesach to Ice Cream For Breakfast Day on Tu Bishvat. But all of those pale in comparison to the big one that we’ve been awaiting for years: Rosh Hashanah on International Talk Like A Pirate Day!!!
The 2nd day of Rosh Hashanah fell on September 19, 2001, but that was before The Onion gave us permission to laugh again, so talking like a pirate was the last thing on our minds at the time. Other than that, this year is the first combined Rosh Hashanah / TLAPD since TLAPD was founded in 1995. The next time will be in 2020.
So, to help us prepare for this rare conjunction, here are 10 ways to incorporate Talk Like A Pirate Day into the Rosh Hashanah liturgy:
1) (the obvious one) sound the shofARRRRR!
2) …made from rams stolen from another ship
3) (in communities that read Genesis 21) read the story of HagARRRRRR!
4) (in communities that read Genesis 22 on the first or only day) …al echad heHARRRRRim … vaYARRRRRR et hamakom meirachok.
5) Apples and honey can prevent scurvy.
6) …et yom hazikARRRRRRon hazeh…
7) Throw your enemies overboard for tashlich.
8 ) The HadARRRRR CD is sold out, so get a PIRATED copy.
9) Show up without a ticket.
10) Who shall live and who shall die, who by sword and who by walking the plank! ARRRRRR!!!
If you can’t wait until 2020 to do it all over again, Talk Like A Pirate Day 2013 is the first day of Sukkot; start practicing your lulav swordfights! Also it will be none other than Yom Kippur in 2018; I totally want to lein Jonah that year.
UPDATE: We’ve been linked from the official Talk Like A Pirate Day site!!!

19 thoughts on “Shanah tovah, matey!

  1. I covered this in 2007 on my blog (When it fell during aserrrrrrrret yamei tshuvah). Here are some useful links for those in need of secualr assistance in talking like a pirate:

    a tutorial Alas, they do seem to lack instruction on the proper way to address a female pirate, or pirate captain (Such as:
    Queen Artemisia of Halicarnassus (in Greece) — 480 B.C.
    Princess Rasla — Norwegian Viking.
    Grace O’Malley, a.k.a. Granuaile, Grainne O’Malley —1500s, Atlantic, commanded three galleys and 200 men. (My personal favorite, having bested Queen Elizabeth in a personal meeting by use of a handkerchief))
    Lady Killigrew — 1530-1570, Atlantic.
    Anne Dieu-le-veut — 1660s, Caribbean buccaneer.
    Anne Bonny, aliases Ann Bonn and Fulford, 1719-1720, Caribbean.
    Mary Read, alias Mark Read — 1718-1720, Caribbean.
    Sadie the Goat — 1800s, New York State.
    Qi Sao (Seventh Elder Sister-in-law) — South China Sea, commanded a fleet of 20 ships.
    Shi Xainggu (better known as Cheng I Sao, Ching Yih Saou, or Zheng Yi Sao) — 1801-1810, South China Sea, commanded either five or six squadrons consisting of 800 large junks, about 1,000 smaller vessels, and between 70,000 and 80,000 men and women.
    Gertrude Imogene Stubbs — alias “Gunpowder Gertie, the Pirate Queen of the Kootenays”, 1898-1903, Kootenay Lake and river system of British Columbia, Canada.)
    short bios for the ladies hereand here. This list also includes women privateers.

  2. BZ
    I’m surprised you forgot “hARRRRahaman Hu yihadesh aleynu et-hashana hazot l’tova ul’v’ARRRRakha.”
    Ketiva v’Hatima Tova

  3. Over at the Talk Like A Pirate Day web site (, we’ve been hearing from lots of Jewish pirate fans about their plans for incorporating pirattitude into their Rosh Hashanah observances, but yours is the best we’ve seen. Hope ye don’t mind our linking to yer blog, mate!

    Webwench to the Pirate Guys

  4. Remind me to give the choir a heads-up before starting Se’u SheARRRRim… we’ve rehearsed the Lewandowski, but perhaps we should find an arrangement by KwARRRRtin instead!

  5. At my house, we love to “talk like a pirate”! Main influences: Monty Python, Hook, and The Princess Bride. My husband’s favourite, “Send the wench back to me now!” I’m still working on a good pirattitude for services tomorrow. In the mean time…”Polly wants an aliyah!” Shanah Tovah!

  6. Amost forgot… in the Sephardic tradition, the Sha”Tz, during Qaddish Titqabbal, repeats the word “Sha`arei” in succession, as in “Sha`arei ora, sha`arei ahava ve’ahva, sha`arei berakha…”. I can count FIFTY-ONE repetitions of the word.
    Normally, I would consider this a golden opportunity to talk like a pirate, but I’d think people would get REALLY tired after the fifth “sha`ARRRRRRei”.

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