Culture, Justice, Mishegas

Spring is for bunnies! (nose wiggle)

Anyone else outraged at the renaming of the Easter bunny as “Spring Bunny?” Personally, I’d rather spend my time encouraging people to get their chocolate easter eggs fair trade or to be kind to the chickens and not waste their eggs by painting them.
Anyway, Rabbi Rami Shaprio of SimplyJewish is encouraging everyone to send the following open letter to local newspapers.
IMPORTANT: He writes “Please do so at your own expense, and do not associate me with the letter in any way unless people like it in which case you can post my address and invite donations to be sent to my Back the Bunny campaign.”

To the Chosen People of [Name of Your City],
Easter is coming, and with it bonnets, bunnies, and lots of chocolate. True, in medieval Europe Easter came wrapped in fiery sermons inciting the followers of Jesus to plunder, rape, and murder thousands of Jews, but even Mel Gibson’s anti-Semitic rants on both street and screen failed to galvanize American Christians to return to the Christian values of their ancestors. Easter is no longer a day for hiding from our Christian neighbors, and praying they don’t burn our synagogues to the ground with us in them.
Yet there are some among us who insist on waging war on Easter. This is a bad idea. First, we haven’t the resources to run a two front war, and our winter campaign in the War on Christmas is only eight months away. Second, the attempt to take the Christ out of Christian is going to force us to take the Jew out of Jewish as well. We will be a nation of ian and ish, and where is the fun in that?
Instead of “Happy Hanukkah” Wal-Mart employees will have to say, “Happy Winter Fire Lighting.” Rosh HaShanah will become Fall New Year’s; Passover will be renamed Eating Tasteless Crackers Made Without Leaven Week; Shimeni Atzeret will become… What is Shimeni Atzeret, anyway?
America is not a Christian nation, but it is a nation of Christians. Let them have their resurrection bunnies. Don’t complain when they commit symbolic genocide against rabbits by eating their eggs. Don’t make fun of their hats. And above all don’t pretend to have found the bones of Jesus when everyone knows both he and Elijah were taken up bodily into heaven leaving no DNA behind.
Remember the teaching of the poet: “First they came for Jesus and I said nothing. Then they came for Buddha and I said nothing. Then they came for Krishna and I said nothing. Then they came for Mohammed and I said nothing. Then they came for Emmanuel Swedenborg and I said nothing. Then they came for Joseph Smith and I said nothing. Then they came for Mary Baker Eddy and I said nothing. Then they came for Anton LaFaye and I said nothing. Then they came for Elijah Mohammed, and I said nothing. Then they came for Bill W. and I said nothing. Then they came for me, but by then I was too old to care. Screw ‘em. And who are “they” anyway?”
So, my dear fellow Jews, get a grip and back the bunny. Sincerely,
(Your Name Here. Your Name, Not Mine. Just Yours. Right Here.)

15 thoughts on “Spring is for bunnies! (nose wiggle)

  1. One need not “waste” an egg that is to be painted. When I’ve observed the process (perhaps it was Martha) the contents were blown out of a small hole prior to decorating. So, there’s no reason why that portion couldn’t be eaten rather than discarding it as waste.
    To my Christian friends (those who read Jewschool, anyway): Enjoy an omelette and paint away.

  2. Personally, if you love bunnies, I say go for a hike somewhere beautiful, wake up before sunrise, and meditate in a field for about an hour. You’ll see bunnies and other beautiful thinks hopping around the quiet area — and no one needs to have his or her life jeopardized by being raised in a cage, having their beak cut off, having their males suffocated in plastic bags, or turned into chicken nuggets after they can no longer lay eggs. For that matter, no one needs to be shoved in a plastic box and have beauty products sprayed in his or her eyes.
    Really, don’t do it for the bunnies – do it for yourself!

  3. What really pisses me off is that all that yummy Easter candy never has a heksher on it, even when it’s made by a company that otherwise has an entirely kosher product line. (no, wait, I did see some Reeses peanut butter eggs with an OU-D on them).
    OK, I’ll admit it would be crazy to market a kosher for Passover chocolate easter egg (although there’s always the J4J market), but they could at least have regular certification so we can buy the marked down remains after Pesach and enjoy the sweets.

  4. Actually when I was at Brandeis the Christian coalition was selling easter baskets that had a kosher for passover option – sadly peanut butter is not k for p for ashkenazim, so we have to gobble up those reeses before passover starts.
    If you’re like me, you’ll have a chocolate model seder BEFORE passover with your cute kiddies at Hebrew school and be super psyched that only during this time of year can you find chocolate eggs for your chocolate seder plate. Wahoo!

  5. the pre-existing vernal equiniox fertility rite bunny symbol stolen by the “your celebrating our holiday now” xtians…

  6. the pre-existing vernal equiniox fertility rite bunny symbol stolen by the “your celebrating our holiday now” xtians…

    And I’m sure NONE of the symbols on the seder plate were appropriated from other cultures…

  7. You guys just reminded me…
    In our local Jewish paper this week, a community pizzeria had an ad with the lines “Handmade and baked fresh every day. Happy Passover.”
    That’s just cruel, is what it is.

  8. Oh, no, that’s awful… and I’m assuming they aren’t making special matza-crust pizzas for the duration. I don’t normally eat a lot of pizza, but I’ve been eating more of it as the hag approaches…

  9. It is understandable that political hacks like you who are so phony, they have to wrongly and unjustifiably minipulate others due to the evil in their own hearts. If you don’t agree with Mr. Pike, leave it at that, but must you post garbage that is so untrue? Mr. Pike is a much better and honorable person than you will ever be…

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