Top Ten Changes to the Bible if the NFL existed in Biblical Times

  1. There was Day and there was Night, and God said, “It’sssssssssss gooooooood”
  2. Kosher animal list would include Bills, Bears, Lions, Dolphins, Bengles and obviously, pigskin
  3. Holiday of Passover redubbed Pass-interference
  4. After killing Goliath, David turns to the Jewish People and says “I’m going to Disney World!”
  5. Yosef opts for free-agency buy-out rather than being traded to Eygpt
  6. Days between Passover and Shavuot referred to as “the 49ers”
  7. “3rd and Long” used to describe wait for next Temple
  8. Moses suddenly spikes the two tablets and does his rendition of the Icky Shuffle…only to get fined for taunting wild fans
  9. Noah gets drunk and suddenly has what commentators call a slight “wardrobe malfunction”
  10. Mitzvah night is moved to Monday Night

(c/o BangItOut)

Also at BangItOut: Top 10 Reasons The Eagle’s Are God’s Team, Top 10 Things To Watch For If The Superbowl Were Played In Israel, Top 10 Reasons Why Jews Love The Superbowl, and finally Yom Kippur vs. The Superbowl.

2 thoughts on “Top Ten Changes to the Bible if the NFL existed in Biblical Times

  1. Anyone know how to get the Superbowl on Israeli TV?
    I’m in J’Lem. HOT! has no idea what channel it’s on. METV’s website says nothing. ESPN Internation says they aren’t carrying it. FoxSports says nothing.
    Anyone know anything?

  2. Hey, I want to travel to Israel at the end of March. My question is if anyone knows if I can see the final 4 in Israel?

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