Um…
I thought this was a joke at first, a la the classic parody, but apparently it’s not. I don’t think. But with lines like “To the best of my knowledge, I am the first female of my family in 5 generations,” it’s really hard to tell. See for yourself. Don’t skip the video. And be sure to check out Jam Master Jamie while you’re at it.
Am I mistaken, or does that little JAP already have a tattoo on the back of her right solider?
“To the best of my knowledge, I am the first female of my family in 5 generations.” Hey, that’s a LOT of gay marriages! Mazel Tov.
My kid is SO not having a B’nai Mitzvah party, I don’t care how much they beat him/her up at Hebrew school for it. (Of course, I don’t have kids yet. If I hit the Lotto beforehand, look for a Led Zeppelin reunion gig at some Reform synagogue near you.)
This girl is being groomed for stardom. At first I thought, boy is she in for a rude awakening. But then I remembered: PLASTIC SURGERY!
And YES, I AM using the Internet to anonymously bust on some 12-year-old girl. You got a problem with that?
I hate b’nei mitzvah ceremonies. 😛 When will the insanity end?????
Holy Crap.
That’s my synagogue.
As in my dad is the freaking rabbi.
Holy Crap
Big Boys entertainment- “We ARE the foschizzle”
Wow.
Ok, obviously Jam Master Jamie deserves a beatdown, but um… overall I’m failing to see the outrage here… it’s just some website put together by a DJ to work as an faux-ad for some girl’s bat-mitzvah… seems harmless enough, no? I’d be more concerned about Cantor Stoehr (who’s picture you can find on the “My Teachers” link) – He looks like one of those guys who couldn’t make it on Broadway so he decided to become a chazan.
I really can’t see this turning out like that Bat-M where 50 Cent showed up and sang “Yo shortie, it’s your bat-mitzvah”. Girl’s father here is a DJ/party planner and has been his whole life – that’s some hardcore shit that only Israelis would get into – so G-d bless.
And believe me, had I been in the midwest earlier this month you *know* who’s Bat-Mitzvah party I’d be crashing. Screw it, I think I’ll make a donation to Hadassah right now in honor of Jessie’s becoming a Jewess.
My dad is on the freakin’ website.
I’m speechless.
I’m speechless too. Not to conjure up old demons, but I just can’t help saying this: Between the little lashon hara button which has been made such a mockery of, below, and DK’s and Self-Loather’s comments venom above — not to mention the actual posting itself — surely Jewschool can find better things to insult and ridicule than a bat mitzvah Web site a family created to celebrate its 12-year old daughter?
Dear hum. Step one is for you to reconnect with your sense of humor. When someone puts themselves out there the way this girl’s website does, they’re asking to be mocked. As EV points out, it’s hard to tell immediately if this site is for real, or one of those clever spoof sites. (I’m STILL not 100% sure).
Lashon hara does not, to my knowledge, prevent us from speaking about against what’s wrong. And this website is very, very wrong.
More importantly, as for mocking “a bat mitzvah Web site a family created to celebrate its 12-year old daughter,” that’s not at all what I was mocking (nor is that at all what they’re celebrating). Here the Top 10 things I was mocking, in no particular order:
1. A family USING the OPPORTUNITY of what should be a poignant religious coming-of-age ceremony of their own offspring to blatantly promote their BUSINESS.
2. Their business is slimy.
3. The whole business of over-the-top Bar/Bat Mitzvahs is slimy.
4. If done at all, these silly over-the-top Bar/Bat Mitzvahs should only be done with tongue firmly planted in cheek.
5. This website shows no sign of irony or self-deprecation (see #4 above).
6. The video is frickin’ funny. I don’t care how you slice it, they’re walking around a frickin’ mall. Is she the Tiffany of the new millennium? (Someone will get that.)
7. They promote this girl in the same breath as Madonna and J-Lo. I think the entire family has bought into the idea that she really is the next Miss Teen Idol USA. Which…she’s not.
8. Check out some of those shows on MTV about my totally awesome sweet 16 or whatever they’re called, where rich, spoiled kids throw 100K parties – aired on MTV so all of their age cohort can aspire to be as shallow as they are. Pathetic. The only saving grace is that there are as many or more kids out there who—just like me—are mocking the crap out of it. IT’S CALLED SANITY.
9. As for finding better things to insult and ridicule, I actually find this a pleasant break from Israel, Intermarriage, and Denominationalism.
And…
10. SHE’S GOT A TATTOO!! Okay, it’s probably fake, but that’s even funnier. A 12-year-old JEW celebrating a Jewish religious experience by showing off her fake tattoo. I’m sorry, that’s just funny.
Wow — that’s a *really* long response, Loather, and I do appreciate the 10-point breakdown.
But still. Step one is for you to reconnect with your sense of humor. Um. If it’s all the same to you, I’ll keep my sense of humour disconnected with public ridicule of kids in junior high.
A 12-year-old JEW celebrating a Jewish religious experience by showing off her fake tattoo. I’m sorry, that’s just funny. You know what? She’ll get older, smarter, and one day she’ll be just as hip as you.
think the entire family has bought into the idea that she really is the next Miss Teen Idol USA. Which…she’s not. This is terrible. Not only do they love her, they totally do it in an ugly suburban pushy unattractive unhip style! They suck, and need to be publicly shamed. Oh, wait, no. That’s stupid. Am I mistaken, or does that little JAP already have a tattoo on the back of her right solider? Oh shut up.
The whole business of over-the-top Bar/Bat Mitzvahs is slimy, frickin’ funny, no sign of irony or self-deprecation, etc. You know what? Too fucking bad. It totally offends my fashion sense too! But why don’t you stick to preaching the coolness gospel, and leave the pre-teens out of it?
Lashon hara does not, to my knowledge, prevent us from speaking about against what’s wrong. And this website is very, very wrong.
That’s one of the stupider arguments I’ve heard. Ever. If you’re interested in following up your “they’re putting it out there, I’m going to get down in the gutter with it” argument through the lashon hara thing for real, there’s lots of Web out there for you. This piece on “the caustic critic” seems like a good, um, fit.
Oh well, just lost my whole reply. Essence was, thanks for the 10 points of light, but I’ll keep my sense of humour disconnected to public ridicule of kids in junior high — bullying for uncoolness wasn’t funny then, and isn’t now — and, though I understand how deeply offended and irritated you must be by a 12-year old without your advanced sense of hip and a family who seems to subscribe to it, grow the fuck up. As to Lashon hara does not, to my knowledge, prevent us from speaking about against what’s wrong. And this website is very, very wrong., that’s honestly the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, but if on the off chance you are serious about respecting lashon hara and not being a total asshole, here’s a good start.
Dude, if this is your cousin, just say so. No need to call me an asshole about it.
I’m amazed you find nothing offensive about their website. I tend to mock what I find offensive (see Shabot 6000 below). Not everything in life has to be so editorial in style. But if you prefer, here’s my “serious” critique, for the humorously-challenged (a.k.a., you) – I find this website offensive because it appears to pay lip service to an ancient Jewish tradition while in reality celebrates materialism, commercialism, and above all, narcissism. I think it’s a problem not just for this family, but for non-Orthodox Judaism in general and we should try to address it. However, because this family is bold enough to flaunt it, I believe they have therefore put themselves out there for ridicule, just like the idiots on MTV’s sweet 16 show. And my ridicule is definitely harsher because it’s anonymous, just like you feel so comfortable calling me an asshole when you’ve never even met me (and there has to be a commandment against that somewhere too).
If materialism, commercialism, and narcissism are the values you want to defend, go for it. I do not believe she will “grow out of it” as you suggest just because she’s only 12. Just look at her parents. They drive a Hummer! (See the video.) I think that’s unethical on a whole other level. Explain to me why I should NOT mock people who drive Hummers. That I should just keep my mouth shut because of laws against “gossip.” It’s not gossip if they’re flaunting their wealth publicly and celebrating some of the most degrading aspects of American culture. It’s morality.
So do I sound judgmental? Sure. Is it from a hip, Williamsburg-cool place as you accuse me of? Hell no. But you don’t know me. Which is why you feel so comfortable calling me an asshole. I won’t retaliate by calling you names. However, I will continue to point out that you appear to have no sense of humor… or, perhaps you DJ at bar mitzvahs for a living.
If nothing else, narcissism is alive and well. And next, your local weather…
*I emailed this directly to Jessie herself, as well*
Mazel Tov, Jessie, on becoming a Jewish woman! Now you can write tzedakah checks to whomever you want, monthly. You can buy trees in Israel for your younger relatives on their birthdays. You can be a Jewish role model for your family and peers. You can continue to go to Hebrew school (if Beth Shalom offers it to you, I think they have a Hebrew High program) and further your Jewish education and push yourself to grow Jewishly throughout your whole life. May you be like our mothers and grandmothers, our aunts and sisters, and serve as an example of Jewish womanhood worthy of emulation.
I hope you grow to be a beautiful, confident, educated, and proud Jewish woman. I hope you don’t let the atmosphere of your youth twist you as you grow. I hope you have the strength to make your own decisions and hold your head high in the world. You deserve the best, kiddo – make us all proud!
Alison, I think that’s beautiful, thank you for doing that. See, I know my limitations. If *I* had written to her, I would have said all those things, and then I would have added “And I hope you make it onto MTV’s totally awesome bling-bling Sweet 16 show.” But then, that’s why I am — in the words of “hum” — an asshole. 😉
Disclaimer, for the comically-challenged: I’m joking.
In all seriousness though, Alison, thanks. That’s the more correct path than any of us took, including EV who started this whole damn string. Yeah EV, YOU’RE THE ASSHOLE!!
Sorry Mobius, I’ll stop saying “asshole” now.
thx
But you don’t know me. Which is why you feel so comfortable calling me an asshole. I don’t claim to know you, and I don’t need to know you — this isn’t about you.
It’s about what you do. I know your actions, and yeah, I’m comfotable calling an adult who pulls playground taunts on a 12-year old girl, on a Web site with a ton of traffic — and then repeatedly defends it as somehow moralistic — an asshole. No, it’s not my cousin or my family. But that doesn’t mean one shouldn’t treat them with respect.
However, I will continue to point out that you appear to have no sense of humor… or, perhaps you DJ at bar mitzvahs for a living. Nope. I guess that knowing the thousands and thousands of readers of Jewschool — or so I hear — yeah, I get angry when I see a Web site with that much traffic used as a forum for playground namecalling, especially when the target is a young girl.
Explain to me why I should NOT mock people who drive Hummers. That I should just keep my mouth shut because of laws against “gossip.†To say that insult and ridicule is the single path to effectively criticising people — well, that’s not very convincing. I’ll bet there’s ways to criticise Hummer-driving, and especially, convince people that they shouldn,t drive the Hummers (that’s the goal, isn,t it?) in a respectful manner. And probably more effective for it.
In a nutshell: And YES, I AM using the Internet to anonymously bust on some 12-year-old girl. You got a problem with that? Yeah, I really do. Which is why I flew off the handle. Sorry.
love the jewishness of eating at johnny rockets!
Okay, let me explain the comedy, and then let’s be done with this. You are right to focus on the line “And YES, I AM using the Internet to anonymously bust on some 12-year-old girl. You got a problem with that?” That is a character voice. That is an acknowledgement that my criticisms are harsh and my victim young. That is a disclaimer to not take everything I’m saying with such seriousness.
If you are old enough to remember Andrew “Dice” Clay when he was at the height of his popularity, did you think he was funny or an “asshole”? Lots of people thought he was an asshole. I thought he was hysterical, because I got the joke: Here was basically a nebbishy Jew from Brooklyn playing a tough-guy guido and mocking everybody in sight. The problem was, his most rabid fans weren’t in on that aspect of his joke, and actually laughed only at the mocking. Those of us in on his joke (and it helped to grow up a nebbishy Jew on Staten Island) also understood that besides the funny mocking, he was busting on the guido mockers who were his fans, probably even more so.
SO while I genuinely feel there’s something wrong about a culture that promotes this materialistic narcissism, and I do feel that mocking is an acceptable form of social criticism (see: The Daily Show) — we can agree to disagree on that — I also did acknowledge early on, through that line, that I was being a dick by busting on a little girl. It was a comedic disclaimer. You missed it; you called me an asshole; that’s fine. Maybe some of the “ton of traffic” to this website thought it was funny, maybe some think I’m an asshole, that’s fine too. I plan to continue mocking, though. I will just make sure my disclaimers are a lot more obvious. Sorry it got you so upset.
(Anyone out there actually remember Andrew “Dice” Clay? Anyone else realize at the time he was a Jew mocking guidos?)
(And before the P.C. police arrest me, I’m not using “guido” as a slur against Italians, it’s a slur against a particular Brooklyn/Staten Island/New Jersey lifestyle that is participated in by a number of different ethnicities, mainly Italian but also Jewish and Irish.)
I think this is a valid and important discussion. I cannot speak to the mocking of a 12 year old, even though every bone in my body says I should, but I consider these things:
This is the community and synagogue in which I grew up. This might be the first website like this, but certainly not the first time in which it seems someone perhaps didn’t get the point if you will. But that seems to be emblematic of much of Judaism in highly affluent, majority white suburbs in America. I’m sad to say, when I say Northbrook, IL on that site, I wasn’t remotely surprised. I’ve lost count of how many ostentatious and gaudy events have been associated with B’nai Mitzvah at my shul, and it’s bothered me since I was a young’un, back in the day (which was a Wednesday, according to Dane Cook, but I’m pretty sure it was on Shabbos). The question is and always has been: How can we change that culture? It’s easy to criticize or mock, but a lot harder to start inspiring serious and critical though among all of the families in our communities, especially one like Northbrook.
I also believe that a synagoge should never have more that 300-500 families per two rabbis. That one has more than 1000. It’s absurd. But the runway is kickin’ on Rosh Hashanah!
Proud Self-Loather: As your friend, I can say this: You are a guido. Don’t fight birth and destiny.
Balaam’s Donkey: One solution is that the denominational movements issue directives against the ostentatious, values-void bacchanalia (maybe they have already?), and insist that synagogue employees and boards discourage the bar in favor of the mitzvah among their congregations. Yeah, it’ll be hard to convince people, and difficult to establish acceptable norms, but it’s a start. Anyway, I think these parties are only a symptom of the greater malady, and that’s more difficult to fix.
EV, just because I drive a Monte Carlo with fuzzy dice hanging from the rear-view mirror does NOT make me a guido. Oh wait, yes it does.
I think your suggestion to BD will never be taken seriously for the same reason that synagogues get apoplectic when you suggest giving away free high-holiday tickets: This is their cash cow. Why do you think they have ballrooms? Now, in this particular case they are having the bat mitzvah blow-out elsewhere, but lots of suburban synagogues rely on these kind of parties as their bread and butter (or challa and cholent, if you will).
Instead, I think you have to get to the kids, and do it through that magical Jewish tool of guilt…er, I mean, SOCIAL JUSTICE. There are a number of initiatives these days for kids to give a percentage or all of their bar/bat mitzvah gifts to a charity. It gets them thinking about philanthropy at a very young age. These efforts should be ramped up.
My parents did a wonderful thing for me. Even though back in the ice age we didn’t have parties as ostentatiously as they do today, they still cost in the tens of thousands of dollars, so instead, we had a small party at my home for my friends the Saturday night after my bar mitzvah, and that summer the whole family took a tour of Israel, my first trip there. I will do the same for my kids, I think it was a great idea, and in fact, I still had a BLAST at my Saturday night bar mitzvah party. And I’m sure it was in many ways more memorable for my guests because it was at a location so different from all the cookie-cutter catering halls or synagogue ballrooms.
Still, I didn’t get to second base, which was my ultimate goal at the time. (I’d have to wait until my college graduation party…)
My rabbi has commented that he feels very lucky to have inherited a congregation with very low-key bar/bat mitzvahs. Our kids seem to take it very seriously and for the most part keep studying until their confirmation in 10th grade, so it isn’t the end of their jewish learning.
We are a small (for Chicago anyway) reform congregation in the city.