For your next birthday gift: video rap-o-grams from the 6'7" Jew

Slacker Prophet Te’ De Van carries a sign: one side says he does energy healing, the other side says he free-styles. He started offering not only on-the-spot freestyling if you see him on the street, but also pre-ordered raps for various events. If you are looking for the latter but are not in the downtown Manhattan area, or wherever he happens to be at a given time, you are now in luck: you can apparently hire Te’ De Van to create an original freestyle rap-o-gram for you that he will put on YouTube. The lack of obvious holidays coming up might force you to be creative in the purpose of your rap: Rosh Chodesh Heshvan, anyone?
Here’s what he has to say about it, straight from this piece of paper he wrote out for me on the bus, about why you should hire him:

1.) I’m an endangered species
2.) Presidential candidate
3.) 6 foot 7 inch freestyle rapping chi-gong healing jew
4.) Great way to make a first and lasting impression
5.) Living proof that we can be tall and not a lawyer and good with words
6.) Because Chanukah could use some chutzpah
7.) Because how many Tiffany bracelets with a heart can you really buy
8.) Because I’m a modern day fiddler on the roof
9.) Because Barbara Streisand and Bette Midler would be proud
10.) For Passover dinner you could say at least this time I brought home a Jewish boy

You can reach him at tedevanthehealer at yahoo.com, rapograms at gmail.com, or www.myspace.com/rapogram.

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