The Greatest Jewish Joke Of All Time

In anticipation of the upcoming Jewish edition of The Big Quiz Thing mentioned in our previous blurb on the The Howl! Festival, Steven I. offers up the digs on the question categories and poses a daring challenge to the Jewish blogosphere to identify The Greatest Jewish Joke Of All Time.
Here’s my meager entry, intended solely to kick things off:

Shortly before the Iraq War, George W. Bush received a frantic phonecall in the middle of the night from Saddam Hussein.
“George! George!” he exclaimed.
“Yes, Saddam, what is it?” asked Bush.
“I had the most magnificent dream. I saw Washington D.C. in the not-too-distant future, and from all the rooftops of all the buildings, there were banners flying which said ‘Long live Saddam!'”
“Wow,” said Bush. “I too have had a similar dream. I saw Baghdad in the not-too-distant future, and in my dream there were also banners flying from all the rooftops.”
“Really?” asked Saddam. “What did they say?”
“I don’t know,” quipped Bush. “I can’t read Hebrew.”

That one’s for all the neocon conspiracists out there. 😉

7 thoughts on “The Greatest Jewish Joke Of All Time

  1. Well, if you’ve got any more Jewish jokes, feel free to share them at JewishJokes.net – there’s a vast collection of the good, the bad and the really ugly.

  2. I’ve always loved this one:
    In the middle of the night, two jews are rushed out of their homes in nazi germany. dragged out into a line, with a bunch of women and children, they lined up against the wall. A bunch of nazis cock their riffles, and get ready to aim, as the captive jews are blind folded.
    One, as he pushed up against the wall, rifle about to shoot, says, meekly, “Um, i’m sorry, but, but, my my blindfold, it’s a little tight…”
    to which his friend next to him on the wall admonishes: “quiet, man! don’t get us into trouble!”

  3. Dovid Hertzberg’s book of jewish jokes is archived on www. rebshlomo.org. Some of the best there.

  4. My favorite is a classic oleh chadash joke:
    After David Ben-Gurion dies, he is quickly spirited to a private audience with a high-ranking angel.
    “David,” the angel says, “you have done so much for the Jewish people in your lifetime, so we’ve decided that we’re going to grant you the unprecedented privilege of choosing between heaven and hell.”
    Ben-Gurion thinks for a minute and says, “If I’m going to choose, I’d like a tour first.”
    So the angel leads him around heaven, which is very nice, but a little sterile and uninteresting, what with all the good people just sitting around singing God’s praises all day and all night.
    Hell, on the other hand, is better than any Earthly party. Booze flows freely, the food is awesome, the weather is great and gorgeous scantily-clad women are everywhere. Ben-Gurion says, “Wow, this is a lot better than they told me. I think I’m going to have to choose to go to Hell.”
    Immediately, a chute opens up in the floor and Ben-Gurion falls into a lake of fire, where a crowd of demons sets upon him and begins to rip off his flesh in the most horrible way imaginable. Between screams, he cries out, “Why is this happening to me? Hell was supposed to be a fantastic party!”
    And from above, the angel calls out, “Before you were just a tourist! Now you’ve made aliyah!”

  5. An elderly Jew boards a bus in New York and sees an Afro-American read the Forward (a Yiddish-language daily).
    Surprised, the Jew ventures: “Bist du Yiddish??”
    The Afro-American gentleman sighs: “Nor dus failt mir!”
    Sorry — I refuse to dilute the brilliance of this joke by attempting to translate it!
    All right, all right.
    The Jew said: “Are you Jewish?”
    The Afro-American replies: “That’s all I need, on top of everything else!”
    Nah, it doesn’t work.

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