Top Ten reasons why D&D players are an advantage to the IDF

According to this article on YNET news, any potential soldier who tells Israeli army recruiters they play Dungeons and Dragons is automatically given a low security clearance.

“These people have a tendency to be influenced by external factors which could cloud their judgment, a military official says. “They may be detached from reality or have a weak personality — elements which lower a person’s security clearance, allowing them to serve in the army, but not in sensitive positions.”

Ok, I think this is way off base. Now, I never played Dungeons and Dragons — I was more the Marvel Super Heroes, Star Frontiers and Gamma World type — but I think this is ludicrious.
I present to you the Top Ten reasons why Dungeon and Dragon players are an advantage to the IDF.

  1. Ability to make split second decisions while simultaneously thinking about how the entire scenario will play out.
  2. Axe-wielding skills.
  3. Two words: Healing potion.
  4. Ability to think outside the labyrinth.
  5. Most Dungeon Masters are good strategists.
  6. Being a 15th level magic user warrants as much respect as being a soldier in Sayeret Matkal.
  7. Elf assassins are stealthy and efficient.
  8. Chicks dig chainmail armor.
  9. After battling enough dwarfs and mystical pygmies you learn not to underestimate your enemy.
  10. Heightened ability to read people — “She may look like a Mermaid but there is definately something nefarious about her and I’ve been less trustworthy of female lake dwellers since that Siren pulled a fast one on me last year back on the Netherworld.”

(Crossposted to The View From Here)

11 thoughts on “Top Ten reasons why D&D players are an advantage to the IDF

  1. Wow, aside from when I was little and taught that those games were the DEVIL! (went to Catholic school, tons-o-fun), I’ve always thought they were a good thing.
    You learn team skills, you learn problem solving skills, you learn that even though you are little, there is a very slight probibility that you can kill something really big…

  2. THE DZM (DiGiTaL Zionist Movement) found that D&D players have higher levels of frustration and contempt which our research has shown is correlated to a lack of female contact for the D&D players. OUr work has also shown that anyone over 12 who watchs Pokemon or duals cards or something are more likely to end up shooting themselves in the foot

  3. Deb: What are you drawing?
    Napoleon Dynamite: A liger.
    Deb: What’s a liger?
    Napoleon Dynamite: It’s pretty much my favorite animal. It’s like a lion and a tiger mixed… bred for its skills in magic.

  4. Not only do chicks dig chainmail armor, but have you ever seen a chick *in* chainmail armor? There’s an entire genre of fantasy artwork out there known as “the chainmail bikini”… Unfortunately, http://www.gamerjargon.com seems to be out of commission, so i can’t send yall to their dictionary entry on the subject.
    The question is, is it *only* DnD that Tzahal don’t like? What if i were a hardcore Shadowrun (a near-future magic/cyberpunk-themed game) player, and knew all about contemporary weaponry? That should help!
    Or maybe they think that RPG players are used to ‘dying’ and wouldn’t take dangerous situations seriously enough?

  5. Don’t forget, that the average D&D player can carry like, 3-4 times their weight in armor and weaponry! Not to mention 50-60 potions! Who else do you know who can fit a halberd, crossbow, bastard sword and an iron helmet in a knapsack?

  6. Where did you find the Hebrew 20-sided die? I must have one! Haven’t played D&D in years (not since grade school), but I still cherish my dice. Not sure why — I just think they’re beautiful.

  7. I always thought it was a great way to work off some useless aggression and kill things with out actually hurting anything. The problem solving, team work issues, and strategy skills that were developed from were just a bonus. I also think the IDF is nuts on this issue, how does this make people any weaker minded than anything else in life.

  8. I always have a follow-up question ready for those who stupidly answer yes to the D&D/AD&D question:
    Have you ever decided to roll a chaotic character?
    It’s a lot more telling of their real-time character.

  9. Could channel their sexual frustration into battle. But, ironically, will finally get laid because of cool military uniform. (And gun.)

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